11-30-09...Monday back to reality.

"Every wall is a door"

Emerson

Every wall is a door? Bet a lot of us have the feeling we have ran right into a wall with Thanksgiving being over and Christmas fast approaching. The site that Sharilyn sent with the "letter to the saboteur's is priceless, and I immediately thought of you ladies that work in offices and those of you that are school teachers where the children's Mother's are always bringing something ''just for you." If you have not had a chance to read the letter, it is worth the time. So now back to the ''Wall & the door." Brick wall's these past two months, we had Halloween, we have just finished up Thanksgiving, and now Christmas is the next one we have to deal with, but actually we have to begin dealing with that one, this very minute. It is true, people will be bringing in goodies to the office, some of your neighbor's will no doubt be bringing treats to your door. It's great if you have people in your house that can and will eat those things that get us in trouble up quickly, but if at your house you have only a husband that eats very little, then just throw the stuff out. No, I am not a advocate of wasting food, but if I cannot give it away to someone else, then it is best for me to throw the stuff out, and in doing that I am watching out for me.

Watching our for ourselves, is what we should be doing everyday. People think when they bring over that big pan of homemade fudge, they are being a good neighbor, and it has taken me years to break my neighbor's of bringing food items to our home. All my neighbor's met me when I was 327 pounds, so they knew I had a weight problem and struggled with food. It never failed, I'd be ''dieting'' doing good and here comes the little old ladies with their plates of cookies. Always, ''I thought Bob would enjoy these." Poor Bob was lucky to get one cookie, oh the perils of living with a food addict. However, after joining Weight Watchers, and losing my first 50 pounds, here came one of our little neighbor ladies with a plate of goodies, I stopped her right at the door, and told her this, ''Miss Mary, Bob and I do appreciate your kindness, but I just cannot have this in my home anymore." Of course I got the same old, ''just a little bit won't hurt." That is the problem, there is no ''just a little bit, it is either all or nothing." So I finally had to put my foot down and ask this question of my neighbor's.....''if I had lung cancer would you be bringing me packs of cigarettes?" I am fine with you liking me well enough to bring me something, but bring me something that is not eatable. Now Miss Mary passed away a couple of years ago, but I have finally gotten through to my other neighbor's that want to shower Bob and I with kindness. The other day Carl came over, and he was the one always bringing Danish, now he brings pot holders, a little flashlight, maybe a book he has read. So my wall was my neighbor's my door was my voice. It is alright for us to tell people we cannot handle all that food being brought in, it is our right and duty to take a stand for our health.

Then again when things like all the holiday goodies are being brought in, I have to ask myself, ''do I really and truly want to say NO, or am I just talking the talk, but not walking the walk?" Trust me, I fall into both categories. From time to time we have suggested, if your having a hard time, call a friend. As a rule that friend does not get called until the damage has been done. So I ask myself, ''did I really want to resist?" For me if I did not walk away, or make that call or do whatever to get out of the food situation, then no, I did not want to resist.

We are going to find many wall's these next few weeks, the trick is to find the door, then the key to unlock that door so we can pass through.

11-29-09.....Sunday

"Another Sunrise, another new Beginning."

Huie

We are on our last leg of the Bermuda Triangle, and today I begin (yet again) the sugar withdrawal. Getting off all that sweet stuff. Someone told me ''it takes three days for the sugar to get out of your system", then it take three weeks to form a new habit....for me that new habit will be not consuming sugar. I just feel so much better when the sweets I consume are in the form of fruits or a sweet potato. Tomorrow I will also get started back at the gym. I took all last week off, but I still came in with 19 activity points for the week, but normally I will have around 35-40 activity points for the week when I go to the gym. So getting myself back to basics.

Let's do a little looking back this morning. I know, I'm always saying, ''don't look back", but this time it's okay to look back, cause I want us to look back to where we were before we joined the Saturday morning Weight Watchers group. Some of you may have been already in a good place with your weight, but for those of us that were not, let's look back to how our lives have changed. You can either share your change with the group or just write them down for yourself, something to refer to these next few weeks when things seem to be getting out of control.

I paid attention to something our Christiane (newest Lifetimer) said yesterday about ''she ate all day Thanksgiving day, she ate sliced up cucumbers, the yellow and red peppers, she grazed, but it was on all healthy green diamond foods. So yesterday I stopped at Paul's got me a English cucumber, some cherry tomatoes, and that was my noshing for yesterday. On one of those noshing's I even added 17 slices of turkey pepperoni, and yes, I counted it out, so I had a 2 points snack and my cucumbers and cherry tomatoes were zero points. It's amazing at how quickly that can fill you up.

Also remember if you don't have a hot air popcorn popper, then pop that popcorn in a brown paper bag. I have to admit, doing it that way just has a fresher flavor.

The next few weeks are going to be tough, but we can get through them. The good news is we are heading into the last leg of our journey in the holiday Bermuda Triangle. The holiday's are hard on my eating, way too much fat, sugar and salt out there, (F.S.S.) the three ingredients that I love the best. But, I don't want to go back to where I was this time last year and that was 215 pounds. So tracking, and that went by the wayside the last couple of weeks, exercise, getting back to the gym, and taking some time for myself. Those are the things I chose to work on this week.

The day after....11-27-09

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We sure did. We were fortunate enough to have Bob's youngest Grandson and his wife with us. Kevin brought out his web cam and hooked it up to our TV so we were able to talk and see Robin and Lynda in California, almost as good as if they were here.

Way too much food, it was all good, and I did really good with the food, it was the dessert that got me. Even though I had very small portions, it was just way too much sugar for my body, and I was one sick woman last night.

Today, I have been doing laundry, decorating the inside of the house, and mainly going to just take it easy today and prepare for tomorrow's weigh-in which I do not expect it to be pretty.

11-24-09....Tuesday

"How ironic that all that comfort food ended up making me feel uncomfortable."

From Dottie's newsletter

Okay, what a day yesterday was, certainly hope today goes a bit better. I say that when in reality the only major screw-up was Travis putting down in his appointment book that he was to clean carpet today instead of yesterday. So not only did I get to move the furniture yesterday, but I get to do it again today.....on the bright side.....activity points.

Love the quote this morning, and how true that is. Chocolate is comfort food, but then it breaks my face out. Yeah, I know they say chocolate does not do that, but it does, it also makes my heart palpitate. Bread fresh from the oven....no I don't bake bread, but if I did, look out, then we have the mashed potatoes, all that stuff that we call comfort foods. For everyone it is going to be something different. Comfort foods can be modified where the points value is not so bad, but then do we still consider that ''comfort" food? To me comfort food is whatever it was that our Mom's and Grandmother's made and gave us when we were sad. Homemade cookies, candy, cakes, anything with fat, sugar and salt.

Now I know for myself, that I feel so much better when I am working the program, eating lighter, tracking points, doing all those things that we know are good for us. So why on earth do we allow ourselves that misery of being bloated, being laid out on the couch like a beached whale. Answer:Cause it taste so good! Yep, that simple.

So not only this week, but we have a few more weeks being in the Bermuda Triangle area, so time to put on our Armour, get with our anchor's and hold on tight. The sea of holiday eating is only going to get worse.

Last one.

Martha Stewart would be so proud, lol lol.

McAdams Christmas decorations.

Our front porch decorated.

I got the front porch decorated over the weekend. I had planned to wait and do this on Friday after Thanksgiving, but the weather was just too nice to risk not going ahead and getting it done.

11-23-09.....It's Monday

"You can complain because roses have thorns or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."

Ziggy

Complaining.....just don't know why I would write about complaining due to I know none of us ever (wink) complain.

Just yesterday one of my neighbor's was already complain about the traffic on Shelbyville road. Insert most whiniest voice you can think of, and here is how it goes, ''We've not even had Thanksgiving and Shelbyville Road is packed as if it were Christmas Eve." Now with my being the very understanding person that I am (big time wink, wink, wink) I tried to be understanding, but all that I could come up with was, ''stay off Shelbyville Road". Best I could do.

Maybe I'm wrong, but Shelbyville Road being busy, could possibly mean the economy is picking up again, trust me that would be a good thing. The weather was great over the weekend, maybe some people just wanted to get out and enjoy these few days of nice weather. Whatever the reason, all that complaining was worthless, but think about it, isn't most complaining we do worthless?

Here we have been dreading the Bermuda Triangle, we have made it through the first section of the triangle, Halloween, we are getting really close to Thanksgiving. We have complained about the food pushers, we have complained about ourselves about not being able to ''just say no'', but you know what, does not matter, just like Shelbyville Road, the traffic in our lives, work and homes are going to still be there.

We have the things we do everyday, then we get a couple extra things thrown in due to the holiday's, could be houseguest, could be you are the one hosting the big meal this year. Those of you that work, and have to deal with all those people that insist they have a bowl of candy on their desk.....today, tell that person, I need to put a post-it note on there, telling myself to stay way! Danger!!! lurks ahead. Then there is our homes, the one place we should be able to find refuge, but many times something is waiting on our doorstep before we even get there. It's called life, and that is what we need to celebrate, not the things that are going to go wrong each and every day, but LIFE, we are alive to enjoy the crazy stuff. The thorns.....traffic on Shelbyville Rd. the rose, you have a machine that can get you from point A to point B. The thorn....the damn candy bowl on your work associates desk.....the rose.....you have a job. The thorn, things are crazy at home, everyone wanting something all at once and all right now.....the rose, you have a home, you have people that need you.

Today, celebrate your life. Today don't fret if your not perfect. Today, look for the roses, the thorns are easy to find.

11-22-09.........Sunday before Turkey Day

"Behind every success is a succession of failures"

Unknown

I got out yesterday and not only ran errands for over two hours, each time parking in the furthest part of the parking lot, and began putting the Christmas lights on out little porch. I always think of that movie with Chevy Chase ''Christmas Vacation". Many times I felt just like Clark Griswold, especially since I am still looking for the timer I always use. I have torn this place apart trying to find it, I always have put it in a box, labeled " Christmas Cords", and left it in the storage area on the front porch. Have no clue, where it is, but it is not there. So I've been praying to St. Anthony (saint of lost stuff) and so far he has not come through for me either. So will continue on that course.

Anyway, back to Clark Griswold. If you have not see the movie, it is the best if you need to have a good laugh. Bob and I don't feel like it's the holiday season until we watch this movie. It's one of those movies that if it can go wrong, trust me it will. Just when you think old Clark is down for the count and all his hard work with those Christmas lights are for nil, well he has his success. Glorious success.

Isn't that pretty much how it is with our weight loss journey. I remember this time last year I was so ready to throw in the towel. I just could not seem to stay on the program, could not stay focused like I needed to do, but our part time receptionist Julie, who was there yesterday by the way, said this too me, ''Joan, don't give up hang in there Weight Watchers is coming up with some new stuff." All I could say was, ''it better be really good new stuff to get me to continue." I don't think it was as much of the changes in the program as it was a changing of myself that helped me to get to my goal this year. I have failed so many times, but this time I stuck it out and I succeeded. I was so close, but yet I was willing to throw all that aside and just give up.

We are going to fall, we are going to be ran over by a herd of ''whatever food is your downfall", but you know we just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and we continue on. By the way, don't be too proud to ask for a hug, and Lisa S. is a really good hugger. :) Sometimes we just need to know someone else cares. This is one of the biggest draws to our meeting, people care. When good things happend to one of us, we all stand up and cheer and celebrate, and when bad things, sad things happen, we stand and cry right alone with them. We are family, we are the Saturday Morning 8a.m. Weight Watcher Family.

You may feel as if you are a failure at your weight loss journey, but just remember ''success can be just around the next corner." DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!

11-20-09..........Friday

"Mountain's do move......one stone at a time."

Unknown

We have made it to Friday again, this time next week some of us maybe out there with the other early morning risers to try and get that best deal. Some of us will be sleeping in, then believe it or not, there may well be one or two of us that will actually get up and workout. However, I am not planning on being one of those people. I want to be a ''sleeping in people."

What has your mountain been these past few weeks? Did it begin with a birthday party, vacation, graduation, Halloween, or did you just never get over last year's ''whatever?" We all know ,all too well, it is going to be something that is going to either try and side track us or pushes us off track to the point we say, ''I'll begin again after January first." Yes we are right in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle of holidays, and some of us are literally hanging on by the tips of our fingers, but you know what, ''that is okay, due to we are hanging on."

There are going to be times in the next few weeks, that some of us can't make it to our Saturday morning meeting. There will be different reason, but I don't want the reason to be, ''I've done badly and I don't want to face that little metal monster." Just remember, we take the battery from that little metal thing, and he does not have a brain." Even if you have, or think you have had a bad week, come to the meeting anyway, there may well be something said that you needed to hear. Or here is a different spin, maybe someone just needs to see you there to give them re-assurance.

I have heard our Saturday morning meetings described (in a loving way) as a Baptist Revival, an AA meeting, or just being in church. To me this tells me , ''it's a place where we feel secure, loved and lifted up." So why on earth would you not want to be in a place such as this? So as I have said, difficult times lay ahead due to our elbow bends and our mouths fly open and our hand has the deposit. Just know you have a whole group of Sister Friends, ready and willing to help you pick those stones up and move that mountain, one stone at a time, and we can count it as activity.

11-19-09.....Thursday

To achieve your dreams remember your abc's

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

Believe in yourself.

Consider things from every angle

Don't give up and don't give in.

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.

Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches.

Give more than you planned to.

Hang on to your dreams.

Ignore those who try to discourage you.

Just do it.

Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.

Love yourself, first and most.

Make it happen.

Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.

Open your eyes and see things as they really are.

Practice makes perfect.

Quitters never win and winners never quit.

Read, study and learn about everything important in life.

Stop procrastination.

Take control of your own destiny.

Understand yourself in order to better understand others.

Visualize it.

Want it more than anything.

'eXcellerate" your efforts.

You are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU.

Zero in on your target and GO FOR IT!

I thought this may give us pause to think about our journey. Some of these will apply differently to each of us. So today pick what you need to work on the most and move on from there.

11-18-09........Wednesday

"All great achievements require time."

Maya Angelou

Yesterday while reading, I ran across an article where this woman was asking the question ''how long am I going to do this until I get it right?" Yes, she was referring to weight loss, immediately the answer that came to my mind was, ''as long as it takes."

We have all had the starts and stops on our weight loss journey, we hit the pot holes, we had the detours, we have had our navigational system to go down to the point that for weeks, months even years we were never heard from again. Good news is somehow we find out way back to what works for us.

I have always said, ''there is no one diet/eating plan for everyone'', even with Weight Watchers some of us have to do a little ''tweaking'' for it to work best for us, and our needs, and make it where we can call it a lifestyle. We begin gung ho, for a few weeks, everything is wonderful, then for whatever reason we get bored, we get lazy, we stop tracking, we stop making sure we get in our activity, we begin missing our meetings , and we start to wallow in self-doubt, negative thinking, and then the "Pity Party" begins. We have all been there, we've all experienced this, and no doubt before the end of the year, if we are not already experiencing these things, give it time it will find you.

How many times am I going to do this? Each of us as individuals have to answer that question. Anything that is sweet, fat & salty taste good. We will be exposed to all three of those ingredients these next few weeks. So be ready, if you do fall, work your way back up, dust yourself off and give it another try. Rome was not built in a day, and a diamond began its journey as a hunk of black coal. So if you are struggling, don't be so hard on yourself, today is a new day, the slate has been cleaned off again, start from there.

11-17-09......Tuesday

"You don't drown by falling into the water. You drown by staying there."

Unknown

Here we are moving right alone this week. Some of us may have had a really good day, some of us may have had a few struggles, and there will be those of us still be laying on the track we fell off of and are being ran over like we were road kill.

But you know what, ''that is okay too." Yesterday our Becky stepped up to the plate (no pun intended) told us how much weight she is over her goal. Not only does that have to be a shocker to her, but the important thing is she has no plans to continue on that journey, but she was already making plans on how she could take back her control. It is so easy to lose control and it is even hard to re-gain that control. But, Becky took the first step and that is admitting to herself, and that is the most important person to be honest with is yourself, and she is working to do better.

It does not have to be the holiday season for any of us to fall off track and hit with a thud that can be heard around the world. As we all know each day we get to start brand new, clean slate, no mistakes yet. We also have choices, no one ever said this was going to be an easy journey. However, for myself, there have been times I have made this journey much more difficult than it had to be for I am my own worst enemy, I am the ultimate food pusher, I tend to sabotage myself before anyone else has a chance to even try.

If you work and you have to deal with someone else's candy bowl, maybe ask that person if you could attach a note to his or her candy dish. Something like, ''this is not for you fill in blank." That may sound silly, but you know what, we have to look out for ourselves. The other thing we really need to come to terms with and that is, we also do not want to deprive ourselves of the things that we do only get this time of year. If we deprive ourselves, then trust me, it will not be pretty what happens when we realize the meal is over the leftovers are gone, and we did not get that one thing that Aunt Mary makes that we love so much. So have some of Aunt Mary's specialty. Just don't get caught up in the ''I can't have this or that" also don't get caught up in "I'm on a diet". First three letters of the word ''diet'' spell die. We may fall down, but we don't have to stay down.

Today is a new day, your tracker is nice and clean, so start with a good healthy breakfast and just take each meal one meal at a time. Remember, ''the only think instant is coffee."

11-16-09....Monday

"There are two choices, make progress or makes excuses."

Anonymous

If I had been the one to come up with the above quote I think maybe I'd want to remain ''Anonymous" as well. Talk about getting to the point. But, isn't it true.

Today is the same way, we still have those two choices. On Saturday our meeting was about ''breaking tradition.'' Yes, we are in the ''busy'' time of year, but come to think of it, when is it NOT a busy time of year? I know some of us have been tempted to say, ''think I'll just stop going to meeting's until after the holidays." DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty sure each and everyone of us will over do it at some point these next few weeks where the food is concerned, but we can still track it, we can still get out and get in some exercise. Hey it has not rained yet, so if you still have leaves out there what a great way to get activity points.

Stressful time, that it is, so activity is a great stress reliever.

I am so thrilled when someone gets to their goal do the six weeks maintenance, and then become Lifetime. Another thing that thrills me is to see people return to Weight Watchers that had been MIA (Missing In Action) for awhile, and even more thrilling is for them to return just before the ''eating fest" begins. It gives me hope not only for them, but for myself as well. If that person can return with the hopes of not doing anymore damage than has already been done, then there is hope for me that I can make the right choice and proceed onto my next goal.

If your past holiday traditions have consisted of.....not worrying about what your eating, not tracking, missing your workouts, whether it's going to a gym or just doing your own thing. This year try something different, continue to track, maybe even get in a bit more activity. Maybe you need to get a walking buddy. Do what you need to do.

If your past holiday tradition has been to eat until you had to lay on the sofa like a beached whale, how about this year, we listen to our stomach's, and when they tell our brains, ''I've had enough", then let's stop right there. Let us try and remember to listen for the ''sigh".

The "sigh?" When your eating and all at one, you have this long breath come from you.........your done. Some of us have had a really hard time hearing that ''sigh'', but it's there, it just takes practice. Try slowing down your eating a bit, that will also help, but I am the first to admit, I am one of those that ''hunch over my plate as if I"m afraid someone is going to try and take food off of it and I shovel the food in.'' Not a pretty site, but I am getting better at this.

If other's want to help you clear the table, then let them, less chance of us still picking at the plates while the clean up is going on. It is all about choices, every single day, we get choices, the key is to be able to make the one that is best for us at that moment.

Yesterday I suggested writing down a daily goal. So today, write your goal, but also add ''what I chose to do for myself today" to that same list.

11-15-09.....Sunday, the beginning of a new week.

"Everyone has a success mechanism and a failure mechanism. The failure mechanism goes off by itself. The success mechanism only goes off with a goal in mind. Every time we write down and talk about a goal we push the button to start the success mechanism. Charles Jones

I think the above quote fits in so well with the things we have been hearing and talking about at our meetings the last few weeks. Failure is automatic, especially if we are not doing anything. If we don't track, how can we know exactly what we have consumed in a day. If we don't go out and get some exercise how can we expect to keep healthy lungs, and build muscle. If we don't talk to one another, how will be ever know when its time for us Sister Weight Watcher Friends Forever to circle the wagons.

Maybe during this Bermuda Triangle time each and every morning we should write a goal across our trackers. If you track on line, you will find there is a place at the bottom to ''add a note.'' If you write a goal for each day on the top of your tracker, then each time you go to fill it in, you are going to be reminded of ''your goal for today." It could be something as simple as, ''I am going to track today." Our goals do not even have to be about our weight. It could be, ''I will attend my Saturday morning meeting, whether I have had a good week or not."

We want to say "this is a stressful time of year", when in reality, everyday of the year can turn into a stressful time. When our Dad got sick, many morning's began with him feeling pretty good, but then the later in the day it got, the worse he got. Dad had Congestive heart failure, and Black Lung disease. So between 7 & 8 o'clock at night we were making a mad dash to the ER to get fluid pumped off Dad. I can remember, on the drive home so many time, Mom saying, ''you never know when you start the day how it is going to end." It is the same with us, we get up things will be going alone fine, then ''bam'' something goes wrong.

We don't want to dwell on the bad stuff, but we know the stress is out there, maybe today won't be your day to get hit with it, but at some point we all get our day of stress. So we prepare the best we can, and we move on to another day. Today is a brand new day, no smudges on this day....yet. Begin today.

11-14-09.........Saturday after Weight Watchers

"Tradition is a guideline, not a jailer''

How did having a winning outcome help you over the last week? If you all read my Wednesday morning e-mail you know I was not having a ''winning outcome''. Good news is, pulled up the ''big girl thong'' and got to the gym, got on track, and tracked my food and came in this morning up just by .2 pounds. So I figure I am getting a second chance at this, and I will be taking advantage of that.

How can the ask for help habit help over the holiday season? To be very honest, the only food pusher I deal with is me, myself and I. I can talk myself into just about anything. I am a sampler as I cook so when its mealtime, everyone thinks, ''Joan is being so health conscious". Yeah, and I have some ocean front property in Arizona to sell as well.

Now with that being said, trust me I do know there are some real food pushers out there. Best thing to do is just say thank you, and walk away for throw it away. Maybe not a good idea to throw it away in front of the pusher.

We need a plan, it's not just the holidays, as you all know there is something happening in our lives every single week of the year. Some of those weeks just happen to come with a big bright red bow.

Our Action Step for this week:

How can we take advantage of movement moments, over the holiday season? Parking further away in the parking lot, grab 10 minutes at a time, to get in some exercise. If your watching TV, do deep knee bends during one commercial, then wall push ups for another commercial. Be creative.

This week, make a promise to yourself to get in 30 minutes of activity, during these next few weeks, 3 times per day.

A little reminder we will not be meeting at the church on December 5th, due to their Christmas thing. So Cara has been kind enough to offer us an outlet. Brunch at the ''Ritz'' house beginning at 10 a.m. So let Cara know if you will be attending.

''Challenges aren't so bad if you look at them as stepping stones, not stumbling blocks.

Wishing Everyone a great week. Do something nice for yourself.

11-13-09..........Friday 13th.

"Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork"

English Proverb

I realized something yesterday. I know how to lose weight, and I sure know how to gain weight, the problem is............I have not learned how to maintain. Welcome to hell, Cara could not have uttered any more appropriate words that those. While working so hard to get to my goal, losing was the thing I wanted/needed to do each week. Now I need just to maintain, and I have to say I am finding that much harder than losing the weight. Never thought I'd say that, but it's true.

Again, I have learned I cannot have a ''free day'', one that I eat some sugar, due to ''some sugar'' ends up like it did on Tuesday. Good news is, even though I have been miserable, for the past couple of days, I was able to add another happy face to the calendar yesterday.

Years ago I attended Overeaters Anonymous meeting, same thing as AA, just the addiction is food. People would not mention the name of the food that was their weakness, if it was candy, all they would say is ''my no no food''. It had to do with they were afraid if they mentioned the candy, cookies, cakes, corn whatever, that might make someone else at that meeting go out and get the stuff. I had a sponsor, see just like AA. I had to call this person every single morning to let her know what I was going to eat that day. I can remember at the time, ( by the way I was managing a bakery on Hilton Head Island, and this has been several years ago) thinking this is a real pain in the butt. But, I lost 100 pounds by doing that, I did have to give up all the white stuff. Now we are talking about the mid '80 here. No sugar, no white flour, no white potatoes. I was able to keep that 100 pounds off for 5 years before falling victim to the white stuff again. I sat at Mom and Dad's one Thanksgiving Day, and Mom always had a bowl of candy on the coffee table, and like a fool, I told myself, ''I've not had candy in so long, I just know I can have one piece and it won't bother me." Well, you all know the rest of that story.

As much as I love sugar, fat & salt, it is the same as the hardest drug I could go to a dark alley to purchase. So for today, I choose to stay away from those addictive things. For today, I choose not to let my knife and fork dig my grave. Just for today, tomorrow we will have to wait and see.

Yesterday I did 55 minutes on the elliptical, so I felt very good about that, very tired, but very good. I slipped on Tuesday, I fell into that black hole, and could have very easily been sucked all the way down never to be seen again, but I chose to ''pull up my big girl thong", and do what is best for me. I will do the same thing as most of you will, I'll go alone for awhile everything seems fine, and then when we least expect it, for whatever reason we are thrown into that binge. As long as we stick together, communicate with one another, attend our meetings, we will be able to get through this. I keep thinking of the term ''Bermuda Triangle" of weigh loss, I have to admit, at no time have those words been more true.

11-12-09.......Thursday

"You get whatever you settle for"

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

First off I want to give a ''shout out'' to Marlene. Marlene joined us last week and just wanted you to know even though I have had a rough week, I have been thinking about you and hoping your first week back on the program is going well for you. Hope to see you on Saturday morning.

I made it through yesterday without the ''white stuff'' as my TISSter in Oregon stated, ''my Heroin". Thank you everyone for all the wonderful support, which I was not surprised about the support that is what has helped me to get as far on this journey as I have, is having a unselfish group to lift me up when I are sinking.

As I told Cara last night, I would love to say this will never happen again, but I know myself all too well, one day it will happen again, but I hope it will be a long, long time from now. It would not have been that long ago that the ''old Joan'' would have thrown in the towel after her binge, she would not be planning on showing up Saturday and getting on the scale, she would have said, ''well guess History is going to repeat itself." Good news is I don't feel that way anymore, I don't feel that I have to set back and continue on the road to destruction. I have figured it out, and that is I do deserve better. I was out of control on Tuesday, and even though I did not want to be out of control I was, and I could have chosen to stay out of control, never admitted to anyone what I had done, and that would have just started the first step in my falling down and not getting up. My body, from all the sugar is still mad at me, as well it should be, my brain is still a bit muddled, however, that could not be the sugar, that could just be me, ha. But, I am up, I am heading for the gym, and I am moving on.

I will be at TJ on Saturday morning, I will get on the scale, and I will take my gain, and trust me, I am very sure all that I worked for the past three weeks have gone down the drain, but that is okay, I have gotten my head back into the game, and will move on from here. I'm just glad the weight loss Bermuda Triangle was not able to suck me down for the count.

11-11-09.....Wednesday....Veteran's Day

"Falling Down Really Hard"

Did anyone get the number of that bus that ran over me yesterday?? I come to confess my sins. No not those sins, the sins of falling prey to the sugar yesterday. I had been doing so great, and I have no clue what happened, but I can tell you it was ugly, I mean real ugly. Today is a new day, I feel horrible, every joint in my body hurts, and yes, I deserve that. I have no bonus points left, in fact I would say not only did I use up all of my 35 for this week, but I just about bet I used my bonus points up for the rest of 2009.

I know my daily e-mails are suppose to be motivational, but as we all know they are about me, my life, and my ups and downs, and guess what, ''everyday is not a motivational day" lol lol. It all began with my not wanting to have to bake a dessert for Thanksgiving, I saw the commercial on TV for the Pie Kitchen, in St. Matthews. So after my new eye shadow adventure, that was my next stop, order a pie for Thanksgiving. Never have been in that place, and I'm here to tell you, not a place for a food-aholic to go. Went in, mercy, all the pretty pies and cakes, I lost my mind. There was this little voice in my head that kept telling me, ''run, get the hell out of here!!!!!" Danger, Danger Joan McAdams. It is amazing how you can shut those voices out, and yes, I regret to say I shut them out.

I went crazy......I lost my mind.....I lost all self-control....I lost all respect. I had an affair with the pies right there in front of God and everyone that happened to come by. Here was my thinking. If I just order one slice of pie. Yeah, like that would ever happen. But I did just order one slice of pie, one slice of coconut, one of chocolate, one of lemon chess, and one of chocolate chess pie. Yes, you have read that sentence correctly. I was like a thief, looking over my shoulder praying, that on one I knew would walk through those pie kitchen doors and ask me ''are you have company for dinner tonight?" I was just like that drug addict that went to the dark alley to buy their drugs. I felt ashamed, but could not walk away. BTW, all those slices of pie were quite expensive. Reality still did not set in even when the young man that was packing up my little container of pie asked me, ''do you need forks?" Oh I see, you, young man have no clue how a sugar addict works. I declined the forks. I went ahead ordered the pie for turkey day, took my two white bags, and headed for the car. As if I was having an out of body experience, before I could even get the key in , I had one bag open, and going for the lemon chess pie. I have never, ever tasted anything as sweet as that pie was, and to be quite honest it was not even that good. But did it stop me?? Afraid not, I finished off that one piece and headed for the chocolate chess pie. I was a woman on the streets driving under the influence of a lot of sugar. My heart felt as if it would beat right out of my chest. My heart was beating so hard, that I could actually hear it in my ears. I was so wired. I did bring the other two pieces of pie, chocolate cream and coconut cream home, and told Bob, ''honey, I got two pieces of pie, and I thought we could sample them tonight." Yes, I lied to this sweet man, even though I've always told him, ''if I ever have the desire to cheat on you, I will be woman enough to tell you up front." However, I meant by having an extra-marital affair, not the affair with the sugar. I stood right there acting all holier than thou, batting my eyes as if I were a frog in a hail storm, lying to not only Bob, but to myself. I actually felt dirty. I felt the lowest of low. Wish I could tell you that I just threw out the rest of the pie, but no at dinner last night, I did spit the two remaining pieces, between Bob and I. Bob, took maybe two bites, then said, ''honey this is good, but I've had all I want." Only good thing I can say was I ran his down the garbage disposal. You all know I ate mine.

I did not sleep well last night, I am ashamed of what I have done, but I felt the need to tell you all about my falling off the bus, and being dragged through St. Matthews yesterday. Wish I could say, ''I will never do that again." But truth is, ''I'm an addict when it comes to food, sweets especially, and just like the drug addict, or alcoholic, I am just a breath away from letting this happen again."

You maybe sitting there wondering, ''why didn't she call someone?" The answer........''I wanted the fix, more than I wanted to be talked out of it." I am not proud of what I did yesterday, as a matter of fact quite disgusted with myself. However, it is done, that was yesterday, nothing I can do about it now, the damage has been done, and now I have to start all over again, getting off the sugar. No smiling faces for me that is for sure.

I will move on, and I begin today, by going to the gym. Even though I feel like crap, I am hitting the gym, and trust me it will hurt like the dickens, but I knew what I was doing. I maybe at goal, actually was below my goal, but I allowed myself to tell me, ''you can walk in there order that pie, and walk out." It was a good thought, I could have even called the order in, but no, I knew what I was going to do when I set out yesterday. I have fallen, but I will get back up, and I WILL MOVE ON FROM HERE. I'm not even going to feel sorry for myself, I am going to move on. I have a disease, there is no cure for it, no one but myself can control it. I drove into the Bermuda Triangle and got sucked in.

So today ladies, that is my story. I am not proud of the story or myself, but I am human, I failed yesterday, but today I get the clean slate, I will get on the scale come Saturday, and I will face the music, and "Toni's Look."

11-10-09......Tuesday

"Decision is the spark that ignites action. Until a decision is made nothing happens."

Wilfred A. Peterson

You have to admit, the quote this morning speaks to all of us. We have to make a decision which path we want to take and even though we have one third of the Bermuda Triangle behind us, we still have the other half, still to go.

We have talked about setting goals, we have all agreed that they do not have to be weight related, but come on we are Weight Watchers, better bet they will be weight related.

While on the elliptical yesterday morning, huffing and puffing away, had my MP3 player going, and a song came on, and by the way, Coty let me use his music, so I have me some rockin' going on there. Back to the song, ''Don't look Back", by a group BOSTON. Got me to thinking. The only time we really need to look back on our weight loss journey is if things are not going so well for us right now. We need to look back to when things were going good for us. Look back to where you were this time last year. Some may be in a better place this year than last, and some may not. If your not in a better place than you were last year, is it something you can fix? Or is it just life getting in your way? Check out those old food trackers, if you still have them. Where you more active when things on this journey were going better. Have you had a check-up from your doctor. Losing weight and taking medication you will need to be re-checked to make sure your still taking the right dosage. The more you weigh the more stuff you have to take dosage wise. Get out all those books we've been given, re-read them, see if maybe there is something you have forgotten, or just do a refresher course for yourself. Looking back for answers is okay, but looking back to wallow in self-pity, well, that is not going to help us at all.

Many of us have already made a decision about the upcoming season. Some of us may have decided to just throw caution to the wind, some of us will just want to maintain, then there will be some of us, still working for a loss to show. Now I'm good with the last two, but that throwing caution to the wind, unacceptable.

So make a decision today, get the spark going, then let that become a roaring flame to get you through the next few weeks. Oh yeah, Mall walking is free of charge. Just thought I'd throw that in. :)

11-09-09..........Monday

"Do you choose to simply know the path or do you choose to walk it?"

unknown

So here we are on the path of our weight loss journey, we are moving alone, we are getting in our activity, we are coming to our meetings, but we just cannot seem to get the eating healthy down right. So we continue to stumble and fall a lot, we feel beaten and bruised from all of this un-steadiness we seem to be having. It is as if we have lost our road map for our weight loss journey. So I have a suggestion, not one I came up with on my own, I believe in giving credit where credit is due. This suggestion comes from our on again off again receptionist Julie, and that is ''write down a goal." This goal does not have to do anything with losing weight, as we talked Saturday, it can be maintaining, it can be getting in extra activity, and here is a thought, if your like I am and go to the gym every morning, maybe the goal could be taking some extra walks. Maybe your goal is "just to get through the Bermuda Triangle and coming out on the other end with just your sanity."

We have a path, we have the road map, (direction), we have motivators out there if we care to listen, we have our anchors, now the question we have to ask ourselves is, ''do we choose to just know the path or actually walk that path?" Great thing about life, we have choices.

11-08-09.....Sunday, a new day, a new week.

"View your problems as opportunities. When it is dark enough you can see the stars."

Anonymous

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

Have you ever felt like the water going down the drain? You know like the black hole in Calcutta? I think some of us are there, we feel defeated, we feel as if our weight loss journey is spinning out of control, and it may well be doing just that. But, and I can already hear those of you that are struggling, yelling at me, ''it's not that easy.!! Come on, do you really want to say that to the woman that has been doing Weight Watcher's for over 4 years, and that it has taken me a total of 11 years to get my weight off? I didn't think so. ha.

I digressed. As I said, you don't have to feel hopeless, you don't have to feel defeated. What we need to do is take a step back. Try and figure out just what it is that is eating us and causing us to eat everything we come in contact with.

We all have something that pushes our buttons, and you all know all too well, what has been pushing my buttons lately.

We begin our day so perfect, we are up, we go to the gym or get our activity in at home, we eat a healthy breakfast, we have our 9 or 10 a.m. snack, then noon or one-ish, we have lunch. Then something happens, and all of a sudden, there is nothing that is safe around us. In fact I have had days where the little kid on the sidewalk with his tootsie roll pop was not safe. For me, I get tired, and yes, I have to have a little nap during the day, after my nap I think I wake up bored, and then the grazing begins. So I have had to look for ways to stop the boredom, and have to tell you my walk in closet has never looked neater, haha. We have to look inside ourselves to see what is going on, some of us are caregiver's either for a spouse or our parents. Oh the stress that can go with that. We have to remember to take care of ourselves, and that does not make us bad people when we do put ourselves first once in awhile.

So new day, new week, the slate has been wiped clean. Tracking, Activity, planning, meeting's, reaching out if you need too. You will be amazed at how much help with ideas we can get from each other. Remember, we are worth the effort.

11-07-09............Saturday

WARNING: You are now entering the ''Bermuda Triangle" of weight loss effort.

Is that ever the truth. We've had Halloween, now Thanksgiving and Christmas is coming up and we might as well throw in New Years as well.

So many things we need to remember to do, just to prepare ourselves.

We need to plan.

Don't go to dinner hungry

Get in some Activity

DO NOT wear lose clothing, thinking you can eat more. You can, but do you really want to?

Offer to make a few dishes that are w.w. friendly and bring those along. We have to protect ourselves from the food pushers, and yes, they are out there in full force.

We need to have a goal. Let's not just throw caution to the wind, and wait until we are out of the holidays, cause we all know how much damage we can do between now and the first of the year. Maybe you just want to maintain, maybe you want to actually lose a few pounds, maybe your goal has nothing at all to do with weight loss. Whatever it is we have to first.

1. Have a destination. (where do you want to be after the holidays?)

2. Monitor the flight status. ( tracking your food, getting in activity)

3. Check in with the tower on a regular basis. ( come to the meeting's, talk to your W.W. sister/friends about what is going on, make a phone call, check in through the e-mails). I think right now we are in critical mode, and now more than ever we circle the wagons, and help each other.

4. Just don't get lost in the triangle, as we've said before, ''it comes around each and every year, same time."

We need to reward ourselves as well. We need to be realistic about what we want to happen, and we need to find ways to make sure it happens.

So start today, why not?

11-05-09...Thursday

"A person's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time-pills or stairs."

Joan Welsh

Are we having any victories out there this week. I have heard of a few, but then things seemed to slack off. As for myself, I get to add another happy face to yesterday, I made it another day without sugar. Four days in a row. I am very proud of that. Have been to the gym each day so far, have dealt with the Bob-O-Bed situation here each day as well and have not succumbed to making bad food choices.

Ever notice how there are lots of people out there that had rather pop a pill for what ails them, rather than find a different alternative. Now don't get me wrong, there are health problems that you do have to take a pill for and nothing else will do. However,I do believe there are some ways to deal with our health problems that does not mean taking a pill. Exercise and eating right has a lot to do with our health benefits.

I will be the first to admit, I have at one time or another in my adult life listened to all the info commercials, read the ads anything I could find for a quick way to lose weight. I was, and part of me still is, so willing to pop a pill if it will make me lose weight, and give me a great body, without having to eat less or exercise. However, I am still waiting for that magic drug. I have a feeling that I am going to be waiting a really long time.

I don't have to tell you all that life is not easy, or even fair for that matter, but you know what? We are the only people that can determine what our life is going to be like. Same way with our weight loss journey, we are going to have good days, and there are times those good days seem so very few and far between, but we do have good days. The times that things are going bad we either throw our hands up in the air and say, "I just can't do this, I am destined to be fat and unhealthy the rest of my life." Or we roll with the punches and we dig our heels in and we are in for the long haul. In other words WE TRY. We show up for meeting's we talk to others about what is going on that maybe causing our jumping off the wagon. Instead we have this thing were we blame ourselves, we eat, blame ourselves some more, and then we stop showing up for meetings, and by now we are in holiday/eating mode, and we decide, ''I'll come back and start again in January."

If you are struggling now, and are dreading all the food that is going to be thrown at you in the next few weeks, here is my advice, and remember my advice is not always worth much, ha. But, hang in there, hang with us, so what if your not losing during the holidays, just don't quit. Each of us are strong, but as a group we circle the wagons and hold one another up, through good times and bad. So if at all possible be at the meetings, if you cannot make the one on Saturday, then go find another one to attend. We can do this, we can survive the next few weeks.

11-04-09.........Wednesday

"I shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no one's doing but my own. I am the force, I can clear any obstacle before me. Or I can be lost in the maze. My choice. My responsibility. Win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny. Anonymous

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

I have to tell you the above quote should be hanging in all our homes. Those words are very powerful, and you do not have to wonder where ''anonymous'' is coming from. We are responsible for our own lives, our family can't make us stay on track or make us happy, no one can, we have choices sometimes those choices are good, other times they are not, but they are ''OUR CHOICES." We can make the changes we need to, to become successful while on our journey, just as we can chose not to change anything and just continue on the road we are on. ''Whether I fail or succeed shall be no one's doing but my own", powerful words for today.

I also found out recently that speaking in a calm, clear un-emotional voice is much more powerful than when I yell and scream my desires. Today I chose to make the choices that are best for me, and by the way I did yesterday as well, and will be adding yet another smiling face to my calendar. That will make 3 days in a row that I have been sugar & junk free.

11-03-09....Tuesday

"Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us."

Peter De Vries

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

Now does the above quote just not say it all? If your eating out of control then something must be eating you. WOW, it is as if that was written just for me. I had a very stressful day yesterday, something needed to be dealt with about the Bob-O-Bed, and I had to finally ''draw a line in the sand." Bob's sons have always (except for one) given me a great deal of respect, but this bed thing and it is still the one son that is causing the problem so yesterday I drew a line in the sand, stood my ground and walked away last night, with YET another plan in place, and the good news is I did all of this, without one time reaching for a piece of sugar or over eating on anything. That my friends, is a true N.S.V. Today will begin my day 3 of the getting the sugar out of me. I have stayed focused, and stayed busy to make sure I get this accomplished.

I always wonder why something that taste as good as sugary stuff does, why it makes you feel so bad. I get heart palpitations, I feel sluggish, my entire body hurts. So that tells me too much sugar is just not good for me.

So is something eating you, that has you eating everything in sight? At time's we need to ask ourselves that question and see what answer we come up with and what we might do to remedy the situation.

11-02-09...........Monday

"If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one."

Cavett Robert

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

Talk about a beautiful day yesterday, oh my. It was cool, crisp with bright sunshine, just can't get any better than that. However it was dark before 6 p.m. last night. But, that is okay too. Wanted to report also that I made the Pumpkin Black Bean soup yesterday, it is good, but to me it still needs something. Leslie and Kevin were out last night, and Kevin said he thought the soup was good, but Leslie agreed with me that it needed something. The recipe called for vegetable broth, and that was what I used, but I am wondering if the chicken broth would not have given it more flavor. My next attempt will be the creamy sweet potato soup that Cara gave us the recipe for. BTW, if anyone wants the Pumpkin Black Bean soup recipe just let me know.

So what N.S.V. do you have to report today. Well, since I am the first one up this morning, and I'm am writing this, I will share my N.S.V. for yesterday with you all. My N.S.V. was, I had no cakes, cookies, candy, nothing on the line of empty calories. I am so proud of myself, that I nearly pulled my shoulder out of its socket patting myself on the back. There were a few times yesterday that I was not sure if I could pull it off, but I kept telling myself, ''you have to, your never going to feel better until you get that crap out of your system." So as I said, I got in one full day of no empty calorie eating.

Have you lost your motivation? This is not the time of year to let that happen, so we are going to talk a little about that this morning. On e-tools there are several ideas that listed on how to get your motivation back, so today I chose a couple of those to touch on.

Celebrate the here and now, just get through today. No point in looking for trouble down the road, trust me it will find us without us looking too far. If you have a lot of weight to lose like I did, but even if you just have a few pounds to lose to get back to Lifetime status, don't look at the ''big scary picture." Instead take those pounds in little amounts. We all like to see big numbers for a loss on the scale, but we have to be realistic as well. Losing too much too fast, is first off not healthy, and secondly as a rule does not have that lasting effect we want.

We need to change our language. I went from, saying, ''if I ever get to goal." To saying, ''when I get to goal." You would be amazed at how just changing ''if to when'' made a difference in my over all thinking. I can't exercise, well if you can flip the TV channels with a remote, they you can exercise. Toni mentioned chair exercises on Saturday, when I was recovering from my surgeries last year, I was doing chair exercises, and I still find myself when sitting reading or watching TV, I am lifting my legs up and down. You would be amazed at doing leg lifts while sitting in your chair, lift that let and tighten that thigh muscle.

So let us know what your N.S.V. was yesterday, and if you did not or could not find one yesterday, then make today the day you begin.

11-01-09..........Sunday

"Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open."Thomas Dewar

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

Yesterday I failed to mention that Betty and Lisa S. were missing. After leaving Weight Watchers yesterday, I kept feeling as if I had missed something, and it was Lisa S.'s hug. :) So Betty I am assuming your still traveling about, and I knew Lisa S. was not going to be there yesterday anyway. But, wanted you ladies to know you were missed.

Okay, thinking outside of the box, thinking with an open mind. This week, no actually last week began our full blown October through December party time. Now here is what we can do, we can struggle with the scale trying to lose weight throughout this period, OR, we can just maintain. I can see the motivation in some of us dwindleing due to the time of year. However, as a group we are very strong, and we can keep one another motivated. So what we are going to be looking for this week is N.S.V.'s (Non Scale Victories). The scale does not always do what we think or want it to do each week, some of that is our poor choices, other times it is our body fighting back. So here is what I would like for everyone to do. Look this week, each day for a Non Scale Victory.

I told you all about Sally's N.S.V. and the chocolate chip cookies. Well, and Dana I'm sharing your good news, our Dana last night the Halloween candy, she did not consume one single piece. Does not matter if that crunch bar had only 2 points, Dana knew that would lead to another, and as Dana said, ''with the w.w. math, that would have ended up 8 points." Maybe not 8, but you know Dana is so right, in Dana's eyes that 2 point crunch bar was just not worth what would happen next. Good job to both Dana and Sally.

What counts as a N.S.V.? In my eyes, anything that helps to keep us motivated and on track. Maybe you have not been parking further away when you go grocery shopping, well this week if you do park further away and have to walk the distance, count that as a N.S.V.

Maybe your going to try a new fruit or vegetable, or even trying to get in more fruits and vegetables, that counts as a N.S.V. as well. For me anytime I can say NO to something that I know is going to end up biting me in the butt, that is a N.S.V. So come on ladies, today is a brand new day. Sure we are still going to have to deal with the same old crap we deal with each and every day, for me it is still the BOB-O-BED, just don't get me started on that one. But, I figure the hard things, the stressful things we have to deal with on a daily basis, can still look and feel a little better if we take account of those thing we never even think about as victories.

So this week, each day strive for a Non Scale Victory, and let the rest of us know about it. You all know me I will be looking for some N.S.V.'s to crow about..

Brand new week, brand new day and we have two choices, we can either open our minds and begin to function, or we can close our minds and fall flat. We are strong as a group, we can motivate each other, so let's give it our best.