11-13-09..........Friday 13th.

"Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork"

English Proverb

I realized something yesterday. I know how to lose weight, and I sure know how to gain weight, the problem is............I have not learned how to maintain. Welcome to hell, Cara could not have uttered any more appropriate words that those. While working so hard to get to my goal, losing was the thing I wanted/needed to do each week. Now I need just to maintain, and I have to say I am finding that much harder than losing the weight. Never thought I'd say that, but it's true.

Again, I have learned I cannot have a ''free day'', one that I eat some sugar, due to ''some sugar'' ends up like it did on Tuesday. Good news is, even though I have been miserable, for the past couple of days, I was able to add another happy face to the calendar yesterday.

Years ago I attended Overeaters Anonymous meeting, same thing as AA, just the addiction is food. People would not mention the name of the food that was their weakness, if it was candy, all they would say is ''my no no food''. It had to do with they were afraid if they mentioned the candy, cookies, cakes, corn whatever, that might make someone else at that meeting go out and get the stuff. I had a sponsor, see just like AA. I had to call this person every single morning to let her know what I was going to eat that day. I can remember at the time, ( by the way I was managing a bakery on Hilton Head Island, and this has been several years ago) thinking this is a real pain in the butt. But, I lost 100 pounds by doing that, I did have to give up all the white stuff. Now we are talking about the mid '80 here. No sugar, no white flour, no white potatoes. I was able to keep that 100 pounds off for 5 years before falling victim to the white stuff again. I sat at Mom and Dad's one Thanksgiving Day, and Mom always had a bowl of candy on the coffee table, and like a fool, I told myself, ''I've not had candy in so long, I just know I can have one piece and it won't bother me." Well, you all know the rest of that story.

As much as I love sugar, fat & salt, it is the same as the hardest drug I could go to a dark alley to purchase. So for today, I choose to stay away from those addictive things. For today, I choose not to let my knife and fork dig my grave. Just for today, tomorrow we will have to wait and see.

Yesterday I did 55 minutes on the elliptical, so I felt very good about that, very tired, but very good. I slipped on Tuesday, I fell into that black hole, and could have very easily been sucked all the way down never to be seen again, but I chose to ''pull up my big girl thong", and do what is best for me. I will do the same thing as most of you will, I'll go alone for awhile everything seems fine, and then when we least expect it, for whatever reason we are thrown into that binge. As long as we stick together, communicate with one another, attend our meetings, we will be able to get through this. I keep thinking of the term ''Bermuda Triangle" of weigh loss, I have to admit, at no time have those words been more true.