11-12-09.......Thursday

"You get whatever you settle for"

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

First off I want to give a ''shout out'' to Marlene. Marlene joined us last week and just wanted you to know even though I have had a rough week, I have been thinking about you and hoping your first week back on the program is going well for you. Hope to see you on Saturday morning.

I made it through yesterday without the ''white stuff'' as my TISSter in Oregon stated, ''my Heroin". Thank you everyone for all the wonderful support, which I was not surprised about the support that is what has helped me to get as far on this journey as I have, is having a unselfish group to lift me up when I are sinking.

As I told Cara last night, I would love to say this will never happen again, but I know myself all too well, one day it will happen again, but I hope it will be a long, long time from now. It would not have been that long ago that the ''old Joan'' would have thrown in the towel after her binge, she would not be planning on showing up Saturday and getting on the scale, she would have said, ''well guess History is going to repeat itself." Good news is I don't feel that way anymore, I don't feel that I have to set back and continue on the road to destruction. I have figured it out, and that is I do deserve better. I was out of control on Tuesday, and even though I did not want to be out of control I was, and I could have chosen to stay out of control, never admitted to anyone what I had done, and that would have just started the first step in my falling down and not getting up. My body, from all the sugar is still mad at me, as well it should be, my brain is still a bit muddled, however, that could not be the sugar, that could just be me, ha. But, I am up, I am heading for the gym, and I am moving on.

I will be at TJ on Saturday morning, I will get on the scale, and I will take my gain, and trust me, I am very sure all that I worked for the past three weeks have gone down the drain, but that is okay, I have gotten my head back into the game, and will move on from here. I'm just glad the weight loss Bermuda Triangle was not able to suck me down for the count.