This was Christmas day

Joan & Bob, on Christmas Day. Happy New Year all.

12-31-09.....NEW YEARS EVE.

For all those that may drop by, hope you have a wonderful New Years Eve, and I hope you all have a very blessed 2010.

This morning in my Weight Watchers e-mail, I told my Sister/Friends, to write down some goal for 2010. They don' t necessarily have to be weight loss goals, but we all need something to work toward.

As I mentioned yesterday it has been an amazing year, and I for one am heading into 2010 looking for new adventures.

12-30-09.....The last Wednesday of 2009

I have to sit back and wonder, ''where on earth did this year go?" So many things have gone on here just this year.

In January of this year. We had an ice storm, that had our power knocked out for six days. All we had for warmth was the fireplace. Bob and I were the only two people in our building that stuck it out. The outside temperatures dropped to 3 above. I had then began going off sugar as well. Had us a little Coleman cook stove on the patio to be able to make coffee and meals. I remained sugar free. Bob and I survived the ice storm of 2009.

I made my trip to Oregon, wonderful time. Best two weeks, I've had since the first time I got to go. Did really good on that trip, did not fall off my healthy eating wagon, due to my friend was watching what she ate as well.

In July I became a Weight Watcher Lifetime member, and so far have been able to remain 10 pounds under the goal I had set for myself. Yes, these last few months have been somewhat of a struggle, but I am rebounding, and that feels wonderful.

In September, we celebrated Bob's 90th birthday with a huge party. Great time, great birthday cake and great mixed drinks. That was my first sugar since January of this year. From there it has been a constant battle, but as of this morning I have 4 full days without sugar, and even though I am tired from the withdrawals, I know each day I will become stronger and more in control.

Most everything that has happened to me in 2009 has been good. Sure there are some bad things, but I chose not to ponder on those. I want to look only at the positive things, and plan for new adventures in 2010.

12-29-09..........Tuesday

I did it!!!!!!!! I did it!!!!!!!!!!! I have three full days without sugar, had some splenda yesterday in a diet soda, but even that was only one diet soda, and not six as I had been known to consume. I have noticed my belly is not as bloated feeling. Also noticed that yesterday I seem to be in a bad mood most of the day. I know it is from the sugar withdrawal.

Have no idea what goals anyone that drops by here may have for the coming year, but why wait for 2010? Why not begin to incorporate those things this very day. Sorta like getting a jump start.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. So end this year with a new beginning, a new focus.

12-28-09...........Monday..again

It is Monday and I have two full days going without sugar, have even given up the Splenda, so I feel really good about that as well.

I am thinking of a new goal to shoot for in 2010, but have not decided what its going to be. But, first I will go to the gym this morning, making sure I do something that is good for me.

12-27-09......Sunday

This year is coming to an end, and as I look back there have really been many more happy time for me to celebrate than there have been sad times.

In January of this year, I made a decision that ''this is my year to reach my goal weight at Weight Watchers." On July 18, 2009, I became a non-paying lifetime member. In May I flew to Oregon to visit with my best friend & TISSter. I spent two weeks out there, and it was amazing. We celebrated Bob's 90th birthday, with a big party and all that goes with that. I have been able to spend some time with my sister which is always great. I look back at 2009, and yes I have been blessed.

I wonder what 2010 will bring? But I normally wonder what just the next day will bring as well, lol lol. All I do know is I can only take it one day at a time, while keeping my eye on the goals I have set for myself.

Today I can make anything happen.

Christmas Morning 2009

This has been a super busy week for me as I am sure it has been for everyone else as well, but I wanted to be sure and stop in to wish anyone and everyone that might drop by a very blessd and Merry Christmas.

We are here. We have made it to the infamous holiday that for weeks, not only have we been preparing for, BUT, we have also been trying to ignore it as well, but only due to the holiday treats that come alone with it. Today I am not going to tell you to eat before you go to the big dinner, I am not going to tell you to pass up Aunt Maude's best cookies in the whole world. I am not going to tell you any of these things today, cause I know you already know what your going to do today, what you plan to eat. What I am going to tell you is this.

Today give love with your whole heart. So what if the in-laws, outlaws, kids or the Step kids get on that very last nerve, trust me, they can and they will. But for today, let's try and look pass those faults and look at the true meaning of today. It may have a different meaning for each of us, but look for the positive instead of searching for the negative. Sure someone is going to tell you, "Oh just a little of this won't hurt, besides it's Christmas." Someone will no doubt say, ''oh, your still on that crazy diet?" You just never know, but someone may even say, ''you are too thin," that line I want recorded, ha. Someone may even say to you...."I am just so glad you are part of my life..." Whatever today brings at your house, or wherever you spend today, just remember how quickly it can all change. Look around cause you never know who will not be there this time next year.

May today bring you Love, Peace & Joy,

12-22-09..........Tuesday

We are another day closer to Christmas. I love this time of year, but have to admit, I will be glad to see it end. My thing after Friday will be getting off the sugar again, and trust me I am not looking forward to doing that, mainly due to for 3-4 days, I feel like crap. However, after those few days, I feel great. The key to all of this, is I am going to have to come to terms with, ''sugar is not my friend, sugar is my drug of choice." Since I have never drank, taken up smoking or have ever done drugs, it pisses me off that sugar has to have such a horrid effect on my.

Off to the gym, to try and undo some of the damage I continued to do yesterday.

12-21-09........Monday

Here we are four days until Christmas. Since I am up I count this day as almost over, lol lol.

Yesterday I began my day, with a healthy breakfast, then getting busy with cleaning out the pantry, cabinets and the 'fridge. I was feeling pretty proud of myself, but before the day was over I had given into some old evils. This is the thing I hate most about myself, is I just cannot seem to resist the sweet stuff, and I know the effect it has upon my body. Not only weight gain, but mood swings, body aches and pains, but yet, for that moment of sheer essence, I give in. Strange to say the least.

Today is a new day, I get a ''do over'' so I am off to the gym in a bit and will try my best today to do what is right and good for my body.

12-20-09....Sunday

Here we are the week of Christmas. So many things going on, and even though Bob and I have no little kids to really have that big Christmas feeling, I still get caught up in all the goings on this time of year.
Our little front porch looks as if Clark Griswold was the decorator, but you know it does bring joy to our neighbor's, and right now as I look out at it, the lights shining and all is still out there, it brings me peace.

I do not want material things this holiday, I just want our family and friends to be well, and happy, I just want everyone to have peace within themselves. So if you are reading this today, that is my wish for you, that you have Peace within yourself. I believe if we find Peace within ourselves, everything else will fall into place.

Make good choices today for a lighter tomorrow.

12-17-09..........Thursday

This morning as I was in the closet looking for what I wanted to wear today, and it dawned on me. For the very first time that I can remember, all my clothes are the same size. I have no fat clothes, no in the middle clothes, no clothes waiting for me to get to that size. I stood there and had to ask myself, ''when did that happen?"

Something I did this time, that I had never done before and that was I got rid of all those big sizes as I got out of them. I have nothing in my closet right now that if I put on five pounds will be comfortable.

If you have not gotten rid of your crutches, now is the day to get rid of anything that may sabotage your efforts.

12-16-09....Wednesday

The closer it gets to Christmas the busier the world seems to become. Today I did the pool exercises again, this time 3 other people showed up as well, so I was not in the pool by myself very long.

Someone told me today they felt like a failure. Sometimes I wonder if people say things such as that for sympathy or do they actually feel that badly about themselves. I am a firm believer in ''a person can only be a failure if they truly give up all together." I have know a few, and it has been a very few true failures in my lifetime, so when people call themselves failures, I have to wonder.....have you never made any contribution to life????

Another thing I have noticed about people and this time of year, is how depression seems to run wild. I have stated before, I love the holidays, it is a time for giving, not of material things, but giving of your time, your talents, just giving a kind word.

Karen, hope you have a wonderful holiday as well, and I hope only the best for anyone and everyone that drops by to read my thoughts.

12-15-09...........Tuesday

I decided to take a stand, this morning at our gym. From the time I joined the gym, going on two years now. We never were told ''you cannot use the pool alone." In fact, the first time I ever went into the pool, I questioned the staff on ''being in the pool alone." I was told, ''no problem we can watch you on the screen here at the desk." Now I am not a swimmer, I walk in the water from one end of the pool to the other, and I use the water weights. Great for my joints, and since just last year I had both a hip replacement and a total knee replacement, the water exercise is just perfect.

Now I am one of those 5 a.m. people that goes to the gym, and that is my time, my time to do the pool. So back in the Summer the gym announced ''according to the city no one can be in the pool by themselves." So long story short, I have not been able to do the pool, due to 5 a.m. or earlier is my only time. I have been seeing others in the pool by themselves, and I am one that totally believes in rules and regulations, and I firmly believe those rules and regulations are there for our safety, however, I also believe those same rules and regulations are for EVERYONE. So this morning, I decided, 'I need the pool, I am gong to do the pool", and that is exactly what I did.

Sometimes we just have to stand up for ourselves.

12-14-09.........Monday

To make sure I stay true to myself, I got up and went to the gym. Sitting on my butt wishing and hoping I don't gain over the holidays is not enough, I have to put ACTION, to those hopes and wishes.

So many people say, ''I really admire that you get up so early and go to the gym." I always thing to myself, ''no reason you cannot do the very same thing." We all have to decided what is important to us, how badly we want something, and how much effort we are going to put into achieving what we are after.

I am here..

This was and is a very happy picture for me. It was the day I became a full fledged lifetime member of Weight Watchers, and I am so pleased to announce, that in six month's I have not had to pay one single penny to Weight Watchers.

Staying focused, and keeping my eye on what is important to me.

12-13-09.........Sunday

I am putting this picture in, due to I want to remind myself, that ''I NEVER EVER WANT TO LOOK LIKE THAT AGAIN!" This was the picture I had taken the day I joined Weight Watchers. That weight was 277 pounds and some change. Size 26-30 in the largest women clothes I could find.

How do I NOT get back to the ''old Joan?"

1. Portion Control
2. Tracking
3. Exercising
4. Taking care of myself and that means taking time for myself.

I think everyone needs to go back and ask themselves, ''why did I begin this journey?" Be honest with yourself as well. In all honest, I never thought in a million years I'd ever look any different that this picture I have downloaded.

12-12-09....Saturday

I am so happy that I stayed exactly the same this week. I was worried, but I knew i had not stayed on plan, nor had I been tracking, nor had I been prepared with meals ahead. All the things that are sure to make one fail.

Our meeting is really growing and that is a good thing. We even had 4 people to join today, and I thought, ''they are doing the right thing, join now, and be more aware of what you put in your body." I should listen to what I preach.

I am, I will do better this week. Time to get down to business....no excuses.

12-11-09.........Friday

I have sturggled this week, and I really don't have any excuse for it at all. Sure it is the holiday's but they come around this same time each and every year. I feel as if I have become lazy on my journey to better health and maintaining my weigh loss. As I have said before I have reached my goal and now I don't know what else there is to shoot for. Oh, I know to maintain this goal I have to work at it, and that should be my goal.

Someone said to me the other day, ''you miss the excitement of losing the weight each week and everyone telling you how great you look." That may be part of it. I've never considered myself a person that needed to compete with others, but maybe I am.

I feel stagnant right now. I used to plan my meals, I knew exactly what I was going to eat at each and every meal, now it's more for dinner anyway, ''just whatever I can find." I need to sit down with pad and pen and get myself back to square one.

12-10-09...Thursday

Something I realized yesterday, and that is. I never want to have to ever again buy a size bigger than a size 14. Now with that being said, this means I have to work hard to stay in control. No point in beating myself up when I do stumble and fall, but that does not give me permission to screw around just because I'm not going to beat myself up.

Someone said to me yesterday, ''I don't want to feel like a failure." The way I look at this is ''we cannot fail until we stop trying." I will hits detours, and bumps in the road, I will have a binge on sugar from time to time, but I won't fail due to I will not stop trying.

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is promised to no one, all I have is today. Today, is brand new.

12-09-09.........Wednesday

I think, no, I know I am searching for something. I am hanging on by the tips of my finger's, trying to stay on track, I am tracking, but I am falling back into those old habit's of mine. You remember the ones, where Bob leaves the room and I'm in his candy, Bob goes to bed, and I have an orgy with food. I keep trying to think what sparked me in January when I go on fire with this? All I can remember, was, thinking about the people that are slim and control their weight, they never stop, they never sit down. Now I no long watch TV, I read, but you know what? I can read and eat, that is no problem there at all. I feel like such a fraud sending out the w.w. morning e-mail and knowing myself that I am not following the guidelines that I should be. I wonder will this end when the holiday's are over. Cause me and my inner child's thinking is, ''it is the holiday's, so therefore we are suppose to have every treat there is out there." I have tried my best to bitch slap the inner child, but you know me, just not into being abusive to her, and not only that I keep asking myself, do I really want her to stop rearing her head?" Now we have just opened an entirely new box here.

I don't need to make anymore excuses for myself, but I do think one thing that is wrong is I have reached my goal weight, and as Bob has mentioned, well, now your goal should be keeping the weight off. Well duhhh, ya think?? I know he's trying to be helpful, BUT, I feel as if, ''what am I suppose to do now?" I so can understand why people after getting to goal put the weight back on W.W.'s or no other plan for that matter tells us what we need to do. This is so very frustrating. So here I am, I have been to the gym, I did weight's and 30 minutes on the treadmill, I've come home gotten a shower, and having a pear and some black coffee and wondering what is today going to be like?

12-08-09.....Tuesday

"Good Things happen when you take action. Bad things happen when you neglect."

John Addison

This was sent to me by another blog site, I have and I just thought it was great. So today I'm sharing it with all that drop by.

1. My sleeping pills haven’t worn off yet – it’s medically impossible. 2. It’s a blistering 70 degrees and sunny – I’m out of sunscreen. 3. There’s no proof that exercise works for me. 4. I’ll just monitor my diet. 5. Mmmm… couch. 6. I can’t find my favorite support garments. 7. My running shoes are old. 8. I am old. 9. I don’t want to miss a call from a huge blog sponsor and movie producer. 10. After I hit the Mega Millions I’ll put Jillian and Bob on Staff – so get off my back. So yeah – we’re on it – today 20 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of pilates. Meet us back here tomorrow with ibuprofen.

We can all come up with a dozen excuses why we can't get up off our butts to exercise. Mine, since I've been married had always been, ''I have to take care of Bob." Ok, I am the caregiver, so that just means I have to get up earlier, if I want to workout before Bob gets up. So what is my reason's for not staying on track? I am still tracking, have been since Friday, but my portion's have been bigger than I really need. So if your just not motivated, I found a few things that might help us figure this out.

1. Try a short workout. A 10 minute workout is better than nothing at all.

2. Tray a new recipe, or a new food. Yesterday I tried something I have never, ever had, and that was a pomegranate. It was quite tasty.

3. Get that breakfast in. Remember, it is the most important meal of the day.

4. Drink your water. It is very important to keep ourselves hydrated.

5. Talk to other's, you may not know this, but I just bet someone out there has stumbled around with the same stumbling blocks as we have.

6. Track! Track!! Track your food!!! I don't know about you, but if I don't write it down, I don't consider it's been eaten.

7. Check out your progress. Look back to where you were this time last year. Are you in better shape? Are your clothes fitting better? If the answer is no, then you know what has to be done. If the answer is yes, but the scale is not showing you the number's you want, look at the feeling better and better fitting clothes as a N.S.V.

8. Share your goals with someone you trust. Even go as far as to write those goals down, and go back at least once a week to refresh your memory of what your working toward.

9. Take picture's of yourself on this journey. Before, during and goal pictures. That is the one thing I have done, that I am so pleased that I did. When I am feeling defeated, and in my sabotaging mode, if I just look at those pictures, they give me hope again.

10. Maybe we need to just start at the beginning again. We that have reached our goal, may well be thinking, ''now what do I work toward." Yep, I have ran into that as well. I think we as a group need to have a challenge going on. Have no clue what it should be, but if we put our thinking caps on, surely we can come up with something.

Our journey has been a learning process. The longer we are on this journey the more we should learn. Weight loss is a temporary thing, good health takes a lifetime.

12-07-09....Monday

Here we go, it's Monday again. I am up dressed and ready for the gym, but I keep wondering if it's time for me to look at another gym. I've been going to Urban Active for nearly two year's now. I began as soon as they opened up the new one here. They have a pool and I was using the pool at least twice, maybe three times week. The resistance exercise was great for my joints. Now they won't allow us in the pool until 8 a.m., well since I am there at 5 a.m., that just does not work for me.

So now I am thinking, ''since all I do is either some weight's and the elliptical, then why not go to the place that I can get into anytime I want?" The monthly fee is less as well. The place is not as large, but for what I need what does that really matter?

Always something to think about here. I know I have to go to the gym, it's something about having to actually leave the house and go there. I've had the equipment here at home before, but it always became a place to hang my laundry.

Maybe it is a time for a change.

Yum....food

We ate points friendly and everything was so wonderful and so good.

November Calendar Girls'

Left to right..

Sister Lisa, Sister Cara (Our Hostess), Sister Mama Clare (Randy's Mom), and Sister Once A month Amy.

These ladies all have birthday's in November, and Cara and Amy's are on the same day.

Yoga, Anyone??

Randy and Christiane, they are such beautiful ladies, and talented as well.

12-06-09....Sunday

This is part of our Saturday morning Weight Watchers group. I have no idea what I would do without these ladies. In fact, I doubt I would have made it to my goal without their support.

12-04-09,,,Friday

Do you ever wake up some morning's and ask yourself. Why do I do this? Why do I work so hard at exercising, trying to eat healthy, and then turn right around and sabatoge myself. Do you ever do that? Bet you do, we all have done that at some time or another, especially if you have been on this journey for awhile. To me the trick is NOT to let those slip ups be your downfall. Life happens, life get's in the way. We have obgligations to tend too each and everyday. So if you are experiencing some hard times right now with your eating, then just step back, assess the problem, take a deep breath and take one step forward, and you will be on your way to a better day.

No one every told us this would be easy. I believe those friends of mine that have been lifetime member's for a long time, they struggle just like I do. I may never know their struggles, and I know their struggles are different than mine, but rest assure we all struggle. We are human, that is the bottom line.

The good news is......today is a new day, the slate has been cleared again.....today we can begin fresh and new again.

12-03-09.........Thursday

"Most days we measure our progress in inches not miles."

BJ Gallagher

During the last leg of the Bermuda Triangle I think if we can measure our progress in inches, then we are ahead of the game. So whatever you have done, whether it has been tracking, maybe even parking a bit further away from the stores, or just taking that one less handful of candy from your co-workers desk. Pat yourself on the back. It is the little things we do that will help us to survive this time of year.

If you are falling down and having trouble getting back up, I assure you, ''you are not alone." For whatever reason yesterday I just could not get enough to eat. I had gone to the gym, had to rush to get Bob ready for the day, since I had my mammogram scheduled for 8:30. With all my rushing around I forgot to eat breakfast. I had my banana before going to the gym, even had an apple on the way back home, but the protein was missing. Yesterday I ate all around the house and could not get full, and it never dawned on me until I was ready for bed last night what my problem was. I have to have my protein. So today, I am making sure I get my protein in. I was mad at myself, due to it was dumb of me, but then I thought about it and decided, ''I did do other things yesterday that were on the good health guidelines." It is a never ending battle, one that we all will conquer at times and at times it will conquer us. Ask yourself this question today....what two or three little things can I do today that will move me forward?" For me, the gym, making sure I eat my protein, and making sure I drink my water, which here lately has been suffering. We have to remember ''the little things we do add up; the small steps become giant steps."

12-02-09........Wednesday

"Our journey of live is called progress, NOT perfection."

BJ Gallagher

Here we are second day of December, it's Wednesday, so how is your week going so far. Are you still fighting off all those office & school goodies that everyone continues to bring in? It is a battle, one we have to fight every single day, whether it's a holiday or not. Even if it were not December, we all know there would be something at work, school or just in life we would have to be celebrating and grant you food would be at the center of that celebration.

I have come to terms that no way we are going to be perfect on this journey. Oh there will be some weeks, we will actually be the poster children for Weight Watchers, but I believe the best we can hope for right now is just to be progressive. Doing our tracking, getting in our activity, and trying our best to just take one handful of those red and green M&M's that our co-worker feels the need to have sitting on their desk.

Remember this....It's not about doing one thing 100% better; It's a matter of doing 100 things, 1% better each day.

December 1, 2009.....Tuesday

"Some succeed because they are destined; others because they are determined."

Unknown

As I was reading the other day, I ran across an article asking, ''how has your life changed since you've lost weight?" Maybe that is what we need to be focusing on during our travel through the Bermuda Triangle, how far we have come.

Yesterday I had an appointment to see my Internist, nothing wrong with me, but since I had not been in to see her since Feb. she must have missed me, ha. So yesterday while the doctor was looking over my chart, she looks back to Feb.'s weight and then said, ''do you realize you have lost 32 pounds since I last saw you?" To be honest I did not know that. I knew I had lost quite a bit, but had never gone back to get a real total. So for that I am extremely happy.

So what are some of the things that are better for you, now that you have lost your weight. It does not have to be a lot of weight, but even a few pounds health wise makes a difference. So since I am no doubt the only one up at this time of day, I'll begin my list.

First off, I just feel better.

My belly does not even come close to rubbing the steering wheel anymore.

No heartburn.

My thighs don't rub together anymore, and if you have never had that experience then trust me, you are not missing anything there.

I used to park as close to any store I was going into, I now park the furthest away. Even at the gym now I part at the other end of the parking lot.

I exercise now because I enjoy it, and I don't look for excuses not to exercise.

Now those are just a few of the things that have changed since I havelost weight. Bet if you give it some thought you will be able to list some as well. Try it, you may well be surprised and inspired.

I think that is everything for today. Hope everyone has a great day. Almost forgot, I did get back to the gym yesterday, and I did 55 minutes on that elliptical. I was so looking for the one legged man to show up to inspire me, but he never did, so I was on my own, and I found the door to my wall.

11-30-09...Monday back to reality.

"Every wall is a door"

Emerson

Every wall is a door? Bet a lot of us have the feeling we have ran right into a wall with Thanksgiving being over and Christmas fast approaching. The site that Sharilyn sent with the "letter to the saboteur's is priceless, and I immediately thought of you ladies that work in offices and those of you that are school teachers where the children's Mother's are always bringing something ''just for you." If you have not had a chance to read the letter, it is worth the time. So now back to the ''Wall & the door." Brick wall's these past two months, we had Halloween, we have just finished up Thanksgiving, and now Christmas is the next one we have to deal with, but actually we have to begin dealing with that one, this very minute. It is true, people will be bringing in goodies to the office, some of your neighbor's will no doubt be bringing treats to your door. It's great if you have people in your house that can and will eat those things that get us in trouble up quickly, but if at your house you have only a husband that eats very little, then just throw the stuff out. No, I am not a advocate of wasting food, but if I cannot give it away to someone else, then it is best for me to throw the stuff out, and in doing that I am watching out for me.

Watching our for ourselves, is what we should be doing everyday. People think when they bring over that big pan of homemade fudge, they are being a good neighbor, and it has taken me years to break my neighbor's of bringing food items to our home. All my neighbor's met me when I was 327 pounds, so they knew I had a weight problem and struggled with food. It never failed, I'd be ''dieting'' doing good and here comes the little old ladies with their plates of cookies. Always, ''I thought Bob would enjoy these." Poor Bob was lucky to get one cookie, oh the perils of living with a food addict. However, after joining Weight Watchers, and losing my first 50 pounds, here came one of our little neighbor ladies with a plate of goodies, I stopped her right at the door, and told her this, ''Miss Mary, Bob and I do appreciate your kindness, but I just cannot have this in my home anymore." Of course I got the same old, ''just a little bit won't hurt." That is the problem, there is no ''just a little bit, it is either all or nothing." So I finally had to put my foot down and ask this question of my neighbor's.....''if I had lung cancer would you be bringing me packs of cigarettes?" I am fine with you liking me well enough to bring me something, but bring me something that is not eatable. Now Miss Mary passed away a couple of years ago, but I have finally gotten through to my other neighbor's that want to shower Bob and I with kindness. The other day Carl came over, and he was the one always bringing Danish, now he brings pot holders, a little flashlight, maybe a book he has read. So my wall was my neighbor's my door was my voice. It is alright for us to tell people we cannot handle all that food being brought in, it is our right and duty to take a stand for our health.

Then again when things like all the holiday goodies are being brought in, I have to ask myself, ''do I really and truly want to say NO, or am I just talking the talk, but not walking the walk?" Trust me, I fall into both categories. From time to time we have suggested, if your having a hard time, call a friend. As a rule that friend does not get called until the damage has been done. So I ask myself, ''did I really want to resist?" For me if I did not walk away, or make that call or do whatever to get out of the food situation, then no, I did not want to resist.

We are going to find many wall's these next few weeks, the trick is to find the door, then the key to unlock that door so we can pass through.

11-29-09.....Sunday

"Another Sunrise, another new Beginning."

Huie

We are on our last leg of the Bermuda Triangle, and today I begin (yet again) the sugar withdrawal. Getting off all that sweet stuff. Someone told me ''it takes three days for the sugar to get out of your system", then it take three weeks to form a new habit....for me that new habit will be not consuming sugar. I just feel so much better when the sweets I consume are in the form of fruits or a sweet potato. Tomorrow I will also get started back at the gym. I took all last week off, but I still came in with 19 activity points for the week, but normally I will have around 35-40 activity points for the week when I go to the gym. So getting myself back to basics.

Let's do a little looking back this morning. I know, I'm always saying, ''don't look back", but this time it's okay to look back, cause I want us to look back to where we were before we joined the Saturday morning Weight Watchers group. Some of you may have been already in a good place with your weight, but for those of us that were not, let's look back to how our lives have changed. You can either share your change with the group or just write them down for yourself, something to refer to these next few weeks when things seem to be getting out of control.

I paid attention to something our Christiane (newest Lifetimer) said yesterday about ''she ate all day Thanksgiving day, she ate sliced up cucumbers, the yellow and red peppers, she grazed, but it was on all healthy green diamond foods. So yesterday I stopped at Paul's got me a English cucumber, some cherry tomatoes, and that was my noshing for yesterday. On one of those noshing's I even added 17 slices of turkey pepperoni, and yes, I counted it out, so I had a 2 points snack and my cucumbers and cherry tomatoes were zero points. It's amazing at how quickly that can fill you up.

Also remember if you don't have a hot air popcorn popper, then pop that popcorn in a brown paper bag. I have to admit, doing it that way just has a fresher flavor.

The next few weeks are going to be tough, but we can get through them. The good news is we are heading into the last leg of our journey in the holiday Bermuda Triangle. The holiday's are hard on my eating, way too much fat, sugar and salt out there, (F.S.S.) the three ingredients that I love the best. But, I don't want to go back to where I was this time last year and that was 215 pounds. So tracking, and that went by the wayside the last couple of weeks, exercise, getting back to the gym, and taking some time for myself. Those are the things I chose to work on this week.

The day after....11-27-09

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We sure did. We were fortunate enough to have Bob's youngest Grandson and his wife with us. Kevin brought out his web cam and hooked it up to our TV so we were able to talk and see Robin and Lynda in California, almost as good as if they were here.

Way too much food, it was all good, and I did really good with the food, it was the dessert that got me. Even though I had very small portions, it was just way too much sugar for my body, and I was one sick woman last night.

Today, I have been doing laundry, decorating the inside of the house, and mainly going to just take it easy today and prepare for tomorrow's weigh-in which I do not expect it to be pretty.

11-24-09....Tuesday

"How ironic that all that comfort food ended up making me feel uncomfortable."

From Dottie's newsletter

Okay, what a day yesterday was, certainly hope today goes a bit better. I say that when in reality the only major screw-up was Travis putting down in his appointment book that he was to clean carpet today instead of yesterday. So not only did I get to move the furniture yesterday, but I get to do it again today.....on the bright side.....activity points.

Love the quote this morning, and how true that is. Chocolate is comfort food, but then it breaks my face out. Yeah, I know they say chocolate does not do that, but it does, it also makes my heart palpitate. Bread fresh from the oven....no I don't bake bread, but if I did, look out, then we have the mashed potatoes, all that stuff that we call comfort foods. For everyone it is going to be something different. Comfort foods can be modified where the points value is not so bad, but then do we still consider that ''comfort" food? To me comfort food is whatever it was that our Mom's and Grandmother's made and gave us when we were sad. Homemade cookies, candy, cakes, anything with fat, sugar and salt.

Now I know for myself, that I feel so much better when I am working the program, eating lighter, tracking points, doing all those things that we know are good for us. So why on earth do we allow ourselves that misery of being bloated, being laid out on the couch like a beached whale. Answer:Cause it taste so good! Yep, that simple.

So not only this week, but we have a few more weeks being in the Bermuda Triangle area, so time to put on our Armour, get with our anchor's and hold on tight. The sea of holiday eating is only going to get worse.

Last one.

Martha Stewart would be so proud, lol lol.

McAdams Christmas decorations.

Our front porch decorated.

I got the front porch decorated over the weekend. I had planned to wait and do this on Friday after Thanksgiving, but the weather was just too nice to risk not going ahead and getting it done.

11-23-09.....It's Monday

"You can complain because roses have thorns or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."

Ziggy

Complaining.....just don't know why I would write about complaining due to I know none of us ever (wink) complain.

Just yesterday one of my neighbor's was already complain about the traffic on Shelbyville road. Insert most whiniest voice you can think of, and here is how it goes, ''We've not even had Thanksgiving and Shelbyville Road is packed as if it were Christmas Eve." Now with my being the very understanding person that I am (big time wink, wink, wink) I tried to be understanding, but all that I could come up with was, ''stay off Shelbyville Road". Best I could do.

Maybe I'm wrong, but Shelbyville Road being busy, could possibly mean the economy is picking up again, trust me that would be a good thing. The weather was great over the weekend, maybe some people just wanted to get out and enjoy these few days of nice weather. Whatever the reason, all that complaining was worthless, but think about it, isn't most complaining we do worthless?

Here we have been dreading the Bermuda Triangle, we have made it through the first section of the triangle, Halloween, we are getting really close to Thanksgiving. We have complained about the food pushers, we have complained about ourselves about not being able to ''just say no'', but you know what, does not matter, just like Shelbyville Road, the traffic in our lives, work and homes are going to still be there.

We have the things we do everyday, then we get a couple extra things thrown in due to the holiday's, could be houseguest, could be you are the one hosting the big meal this year. Those of you that work, and have to deal with all those people that insist they have a bowl of candy on their desk.....today, tell that person, I need to put a post-it note on there, telling myself to stay way! Danger!!! lurks ahead. Then there is our homes, the one place we should be able to find refuge, but many times something is waiting on our doorstep before we even get there. It's called life, and that is what we need to celebrate, not the things that are going to go wrong each and every day, but LIFE, we are alive to enjoy the crazy stuff. The thorns.....traffic on Shelbyville Rd. the rose, you have a machine that can get you from point A to point B. The thorn....the damn candy bowl on your work associates desk.....the rose.....you have a job. The thorn, things are crazy at home, everyone wanting something all at once and all right now.....the rose, you have a home, you have people that need you.

Today, celebrate your life. Today don't fret if your not perfect. Today, look for the roses, the thorns are easy to find.

11-22-09.........Sunday before Turkey Day

"Behind every success is a succession of failures"

Unknown

I got out yesterday and not only ran errands for over two hours, each time parking in the furthest part of the parking lot, and began putting the Christmas lights on out little porch. I always think of that movie with Chevy Chase ''Christmas Vacation". Many times I felt just like Clark Griswold, especially since I am still looking for the timer I always use. I have torn this place apart trying to find it, I always have put it in a box, labeled " Christmas Cords", and left it in the storage area on the front porch. Have no clue, where it is, but it is not there. So I've been praying to St. Anthony (saint of lost stuff) and so far he has not come through for me either. So will continue on that course.

Anyway, back to Clark Griswold. If you have not see the movie, it is the best if you need to have a good laugh. Bob and I don't feel like it's the holiday season until we watch this movie. It's one of those movies that if it can go wrong, trust me it will. Just when you think old Clark is down for the count and all his hard work with those Christmas lights are for nil, well he has his success. Glorious success.

Isn't that pretty much how it is with our weight loss journey. I remember this time last year I was so ready to throw in the towel. I just could not seem to stay on the program, could not stay focused like I needed to do, but our part time receptionist Julie, who was there yesterday by the way, said this too me, ''Joan, don't give up hang in there Weight Watchers is coming up with some new stuff." All I could say was, ''it better be really good new stuff to get me to continue." I don't think it was as much of the changes in the program as it was a changing of myself that helped me to get to my goal this year. I have failed so many times, but this time I stuck it out and I succeeded. I was so close, but yet I was willing to throw all that aside and just give up.

We are going to fall, we are going to be ran over by a herd of ''whatever food is your downfall", but you know we just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and we continue on. By the way, don't be too proud to ask for a hug, and Lisa S. is a really good hugger. :) Sometimes we just need to know someone else cares. This is one of the biggest draws to our meeting, people care. When good things happend to one of us, we all stand up and cheer and celebrate, and when bad things, sad things happen, we stand and cry right alone with them. We are family, we are the Saturday Morning 8a.m. Weight Watcher Family.

You may feel as if you are a failure at your weight loss journey, but just remember ''success can be just around the next corner." DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!

11-20-09..........Friday

"Mountain's do move......one stone at a time."

Unknown

We have made it to Friday again, this time next week some of us maybe out there with the other early morning risers to try and get that best deal. Some of us will be sleeping in, then believe it or not, there may well be one or two of us that will actually get up and workout. However, I am not planning on being one of those people. I want to be a ''sleeping in people."

What has your mountain been these past few weeks? Did it begin with a birthday party, vacation, graduation, Halloween, or did you just never get over last year's ''whatever?" We all know ,all too well, it is going to be something that is going to either try and side track us or pushes us off track to the point we say, ''I'll begin again after January first." Yes we are right in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle of holidays, and some of us are literally hanging on by the tips of our fingers, but you know what, ''that is okay, due to we are hanging on."

There are going to be times in the next few weeks, that some of us can't make it to our Saturday morning meeting. There will be different reason, but I don't want the reason to be, ''I've done badly and I don't want to face that little metal monster." Just remember, we take the battery from that little metal thing, and he does not have a brain." Even if you have, or think you have had a bad week, come to the meeting anyway, there may well be something said that you needed to hear. Or here is a different spin, maybe someone just needs to see you there to give them re-assurance.

I have heard our Saturday morning meetings described (in a loving way) as a Baptist Revival, an AA meeting, or just being in church. To me this tells me , ''it's a place where we feel secure, loved and lifted up." So why on earth would you not want to be in a place such as this? So as I have said, difficult times lay ahead due to our elbow bends and our mouths fly open and our hand has the deposit. Just know you have a whole group of Sister Friends, ready and willing to help you pick those stones up and move that mountain, one stone at a time, and we can count it as activity.

11-19-09.....Thursday

To achieve your dreams remember your abc's

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

Believe in yourself.

Consider things from every angle

Don't give up and don't give in.

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.

Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches.

Give more than you planned to.

Hang on to your dreams.

Ignore those who try to discourage you.

Just do it.

Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.

Love yourself, first and most.

Make it happen.

Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.

Open your eyes and see things as they really are.

Practice makes perfect.

Quitters never win and winners never quit.

Read, study and learn about everything important in life.

Stop procrastination.

Take control of your own destiny.

Understand yourself in order to better understand others.

Visualize it.

Want it more than anything.

'eXcellerate" your efforts.

You are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU.

Zero in on your target and GO FOR IT!

I thought this may give us pause to think about our journey. Some of these will apply differently to each of us. So today pick what you need to work on the most and move on from there.

11-18-09........Wednesday

"All great achievements require time."

Maya Angelou

Yesterday while reading, I ran across an article where this woman was asking the question ''how long am I going to do this until I get it right?" Yes, she was referring to weight loss, immediately the answer that came to my mind was, ''as long as it takes."

We have all had the starts and stops on our weight loss journey, we hit the pot holes, we had the detours, we have had our navigational system to go down to the point that for weeks, months even years we were never heard from again. Good news is somehow we find out way back to what works for us.

I have always said, ''there is no one diet/eating plan for everyone'', even with Weight Watchers some of us have to do a little ''tweaking'' for it to work best for us, and our needs, and make it where we can call it a lifestyle. We begin gung ho, for a few weeks, everything is wonderful, then for whatever reason we get bored, we get lazy, we stop tracking, we stop making sure we get in our activity, we begin missing our meetings , and we start to wallow in self-doubt, negative thinking, and then the "Pity Party" begins. We have all been there, we've all experienced this, and no doubt before the end of the year, if we are not already experiencing these things, give it time it will find you.

How many times am I going to do this? Each of us as individuals have to answer that question. Anything that is sweet, fat & salty taste good. We will be exposed to all three of those ingredients these next few weeks. So be ready, if you do fall, work your way back up, dust yourself off and give it another try. Rome was not built in a day, and a diamond began its journey as a hunk of black coal. So if you are struggling, don't be so hard on yourself, today is a new day, the slate has been cleaned off again, start from there.

11-17-09......Tuesday

"You don't drown by falling into the water. You drown by staying there."

Unknown

Here we are moving right alone this week. Some of us may have had a really good day, some of us may have had a few struggles, and there will be those of us still be laying on the track we fell off of and are being ran over like we were road kill.

But you know what, ''that is okay too." Yesterday our Becky stepped up to the plate (no pun intended) told us how much weight she is over her goal. Not only does that have to be a shocker to her, but the important thing is she has no plans to continue on that journey, but she was already making plans on how she could take back her control. It is so easy to lose control and it is even hard to re-gain that control. But, Becky took the first step and that is admitting to herself, and that is the most important person to be honest with is yourself, and she is working to do better.

It does not have to be the holiday season for any of us to fall off track and hit with a thud that can be heard around the world. As we all know each day we get to start brand new, clean slate, no mistakes yet. We also have choices, no one ever said this was going to be an easy journey. However, for myself, there have been times I have made this journey much more difficult than it had to be for I am my own worst enemy, I am the ultimate food pusher, I tend to sabotage myself before anyone else has a chance to even try.

If you work and you have to deal with someone else's candy bowl, maybe ask that person if you could attach a note to his or her candy dish. Something like, ''this is not for you fill in blank." That may sound silly, but you know what, we have to look out for ourselves. The other thing we really need to come to terms with and that is, we also do not want to deprive ourselves of the things that we do only get this time of year. If we deprive ourselves, then trust me, it will not be pretty what happens when we realize the meal is over the leftovers are gone, and we did not get that one thing that Aunt Mary makes that we love so much. So have some of Aunt Mary's specialty. Just don't get caught up in the ''I can't have this or that" also don't get caught up in "I'm on a diet". First three letters of the word ''diet'' spell die. We may fall down, but we don't have to stay down.

Today is a new day, your tracker is nice and clean, so start with a good healthy breakfast and just take each meal one meal at a time. Remember, ''the only think instant is coffee."

11-16-09....Monday

"There are two choices, make progress or makes excuses."

Anonymous

If I had been the one to come up with the above quote I think maybe I'd want to remain ''Anonymous" as well. Talk about getting to the point. But, isn't it true.

Today is the same way, we still have those two choices. On Saturday our meeting was about ''breaking tradition.'' Yes, we are in the ''busy'' time of year, but come to think of it, when is it NOT a busy time of year? I know some of us have been tempted to say, ''think I'll just stop going to meeting's until after the holidays." DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty sure each and everyone of us will over do it at some point these next few weeks where the food is concerned, but we can still track it, we can still get out and get in some exercise. Hey it has not rained yet, so if you still have leaves out there what a great way to get activity points.

Stressful time, that it is, so activity is a great stress reliever.

I am so thrilled when someone gets to their goal do the six weeks maintenance, and then become Lifetime. Another thing that thrills me is to see people return to Weight Watchers that had been MIA (Missing In Action) for awhile, and even more thrilling is for them to return just before the ''eating fest" begins. It gives me hope not only for them, but for myself as well. If that person can return with the hopes of not doing anymore damage than has already been done, then there is hope for me that I can make the right choice and proceed onto my next goal.

If your past holiday traditions have consisted of.....not worrying about what your eating, not tracking, missing your workouts, whether it's going to a gym or just doing your own thing. This year try something different, continue to track, maybe even get in a bit more activity. Maybe you need to get a walking buddy. Do what you need to do.

If your past holiday tradition has been to eat until you had to lay on the sofa like a beached whale, how about this year, we listen to our stomach's, and when they tell our brains, ''I've had enough", then let's stop right there. Let us try and remember to listen for the ''sigh".

The "sigh?" When your eating and all at one, you have this long breath come from you.........your done. Some of us have had a really hard time hearing that ''sigh'', but it's there, it just takes practice. Try slowing down your eating a bit, that will also help, but I am the first to admit, I am one of those that ''hunch over my plate as if I"m afraid someone is going to try and take food off of it and I shovel the food in.'' Not a pretty site, but I am getting better at this.

If other's want to help you clear the table, then let them, less chance of us still picking at the plates while the clean up is going on. It is all about choices, every single day, we get choices, the key is to be able to make the one that is best for us at that moment.

Yesterday I suggested writing down a daily goal. So today, write your goal, but also add ''what I chose to do for myself today" to that same list.

11-15-09.....Sunday, the beginning of a new week.

"Everyone has a success mechanism and a failure mechanism. The failure mechanism goes off by itself. The success mechanism only goes off with a goal in mind. Every time we write down and talk about a goal we push the button to start the success mechanism. Charles Jones

I think the above quote fits in so well with the things we have been hearing and talking about at our meetings the last few weeks. Failure is automatic, especially if we are not doing anything. If we don't track, how can we know exactly what we have consumed in a day. If we don't go out and get some exercise how can we expect to keep healthy lungs, and build muscle. If we don't talk to one another, how will be ever know when its time for us Sister Weight Watcher Friends Forever to circle the wagons.

Maybe during this Bermuda Triangle time each and every morning we should write a goal across our trackers. If you track on line, you will find there is a place at the bottom to ''add a note.'' If you write a goal for each day on the top of your tracker, then each time you go to fill it in, you are going to be reminded of ''your goal for today." It could be something as simple as, ''I am going to track today." Our goals do not even have to be about our weight. It could be, ''I will attend my Saturday morning meeting, whether I have had a good week or not."

We want to say "this is a stressful time of year", when in reality, everyday of the year can turn into a stressful time. When our Dad got sick, many morning's began with him feeling pretty good, but then the later in the day it got, the worse he got. Dad had Congestive heart failure, and Black Lung disease. So between 7 & 8 o'clock at night we were making a mad dash to the ER to get fluid pumped off Dad. I can remember, on the drive home so many time, Mom saying, ''you never know when you start the day how it is going to end." It is the same with us, we get up things will be going alone fine, then ''bam'' something goes wrong.

We don't want to dwell on the bad stuff, but we know the stress is out there, maybe today won't be your day to get hit with it, but at some point we all get our day of stress. So we prepare the best we can, and we move on to another day. Today is a brand new day, no smudges on this day....yet. Begin today.

11-14-09.........Saturday after Weight Watchers

"Tradition is a guideline, not a jailer''

How did having a winning outcome help you over the last week? If you all read my Wednesday morning e-mail you know I was not having a ''winning outcome''. Good news is, pulled up the ''big girl thong'' and got to the gym, got on track, and tracked my food and came in this morning up just by .2 pounds. So I figure I am getting a second chance at this, and I will be taking advantage of that.

How can the ask for help habit help over the holiday season? To be very honest, the only food pusher I deal with is me, myself and I. I can talk myself into just about anything. I am a sampler as I cook so when its mealtime, everyone thinks, ''Joan is being so health conscious". Yeah, and I have some ocean front property in Arizona to sell as well.

Now with that being said, trust me I do know there are some real food pushers out there. Best thing to do is just say thank you, and walk away for throw it away. Maybe not a good idea to throw it away in front of the pusher.

We need a plan, it's not just the holidays, as you all know there is something happening in our lives every single week of the year. Some of those weeks just happen to come with a big bright red bow.

Our Action Step for this week:

How can we take advantage of movement moments, over the holiday season? Parking further away in the parking lot, grab 10 minutes at a time, to get in some exercise. If your watching TV, do deep knee bends during one commercial, then wall push ups for another commercial. Be creative.

This week, make a promise to yourself to get in 30 minutes of activity, during these next few weeks, 3 times per day.

A little reminder we will not be meeting at the church on December 5th, due to their Christmas thing. So Cara has been kind enough to offer us an outlet. Brunch at the ''Ritz'' house beginning at 10 a.m. So let Cara know if you will be attending.

''Challenges aren't so bad if you look at them as stepping stones, not stumbling blocks.

Wishing Everyone a great week. Do something nice for yourself.

11-13-09..........Friday 13th.

"Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork"

English Proverb

I realized something yesterday. I know how to lose weight, and I sure know how to gain weight, the problem is............I have not learned how to maintain. Welcome to hell, Cara could not have uttered any more appropriate words that those. While working so hard to get to my goal, losing was the thing I wanted/needed to do each week. Now I need just to maintain, and I have to say I am finding that much harder than losing the weight. Never thought I'd say that, but it's true.

Again, I have learned I cannot have a ''free day'', one that I eat some sugar, due to ''some sugar'' ends up like it did on Tuesday. Good news is, even though I have been miserable, for the past couple of days, I was able to add another happy face to the calendar yesterday.

Years ago I attended Overeaters Anonymous meeting, same thing as AA, just the addiction is food. People would not mention the name of the food that was their weakness, if it was candy, all they would say is ''my no no food''. It had to do with they were afraid if they mentioned the candy, cookies, cakes, corn whatever, that might make someone else at that meeting go out and get the stuff. I had a sponsor, see just like AA. I had to call this person every single morning to let her know what I was going to eat that day. I can remember at the time, ( by the way I was managing a bakery on Hilton Head Island, and this has been several years ago) thinking this is a real pain in the butt. But, I lost 100 pounds by doing that, I did have to give up all the white stuff. Now we are talking about the mid '80 here. No sugar, no white flour, no white potatoes. I was able to keep that 100 pounds off for 5 years before falling victim to the white stuff again. I sat at Mom and Dad's one Thanksgiving Day, and Mom always had a bowl of candy on the coffee table, and like a fool, I told myself, ''I've not had candy in so long, I just know I can have one piece and it won't bother me." Well, you all know the rest of that story.

As much as I love sugar, fat & salt, it is the same as the hardest drug I could go to a dark alley to purchase. So for today, I choose to stay away from those addictive things. For today, I choose not to let my knife and fork dig my grave. Just for today, tomorrow we will have to wait and see.

Yesterday I did 55 minutes on the elliptical, so I felt very good about that, very tired, but very good. I slipped on Tuesday, I fell into that black hole, and could have very easily been sucked all the way down never to be seen again, but I chose to ''pull up my big girl thong", and do what is best for me. I will do the same thing as most of you will, I'll go alone for awhile everything seems fine, and then when we least expect it, for whatever reason we are thrown into that binge. As long as we stick together, communicate with one another, attend our meetings, we will be able to get through this. I keep thinking of the term ''Bermuda Triangle" of weigh loss, I have to admit, at no time have those words been more true.

11-12-09.......Thursday

"You get whatever you settle for"

Good Morning Sister W.W.F.F.,

First off I want to give a ''shout out'' to Marlene. Marlene joined us last week and just wanted you to know even though I have had a rough week, I have been thinking about you and hoping your first week back on the program is going well for you. Hope to see you on Saturday morning.

I made it through yesterday without the ''white stuff'' as my TISSter in Oregon stated, ''my Heroin". Thank you everyone for all the wonderful support, which I was not surprised about the support that is what has helped me to get as far on this journey as I have, is having a unselfish group to lift me up when I are sinking.

As I told Cara last night, I would love to say this will never happen again, but I know myself all too well, one day it will happen again, but I hope it will be a long, long time from now. It would not have been that long ago that the ''old Joan'' would have thrown in the towel after her binge, she would not be planning on showing up Saturday and getting on the scale, she would have said, ''well guess History is going to repeat itself." Good news is I don't feel that way anymore, I don't feel that I have to set back and continue on the road to destruction. I have figured it out, and that is I do deserve better. I was out of control on Tuesday, and even though I did not want to be out of control I was, and I could have chosen to stay out of control, never admitted to anyone what I had done, and that would have just started the first step in my falling down and not getting up. My body, from all the sugar is still mad at me, as well it should be, my brain is still a bit muddled, however, that could not be the sugar, that could just be me, ha. But, I am up, I am heading for the gym, and I am moving on.

I will be at TJ on Saturday morning, I will get on the scale, and I will take my gain, and trust me, I am very sure all that I worked for the past three weeks have gone down the drain, but that is okay, I have gotten my head back into the game, and will move on from here. I'm just glad the weight loss Bermuda Triangle was not able to suck me down for the count.

11-11-09.....Wednesday....Veteran's Day

"Falling Down Really Hard"

Did anyone get the number of that bus that ran over me yesterday?? I come to confess my sins. No not those sins, the sins of falling prey to the sugar yesterday. I had been doing so great, and I have no clue what happened, but I can tell you it was ugly, I mean real ugly. Today is a new day, I feel horrible, every joint in my body hurts, and yes, I deserve that. I have no bonus points left, in fact I would say not only did I use up all of my 35 for this week, but I just about bet I used my bonus points up for the rest of 2009.

I know my daily e-mails are suppose to be motivational, but as we all know they are about me, my life, and my ups and downs, and guess what, ''everyday is not a motivational day" lol lol. It all began with my not wanting to have to bake a dessert for Thanksgiving, I saw the commercial on TV for the Pie Kitchen, in St. Matthews. So after my new eye shadow adventure, that was my next stop, order a pie for Thanksgiving. Never have been in that place, and I'm here to tell you, not a place for a food-aholic to go. Went in, mercy, all the pretty pies and cakes, I lost my mind. There was this little voice in my head that kept telling me, ''run, get the hell out of here!!!!!" Danger, Danger Joan McAdams. It is amazing how you can shut those voices out, and yes, I regret to say I shut them out.

I went crazy......I lost my mind.....I lost all self-control....I lost all respect. I had an affair with the pies right there in front of God and everyone that happened to come by. Here was my thinking. If I just order one slice of pie. Yeah, like that would ever happen. But I did just order one slice of pie, one slice of coconut, one of chocolate, one of lemon chess, and one of chocolate chess pie. Yes, you have read that sentence correctly. I was like a thief, looking over my shoulder praying, that on one I knew would walk through those pie kitchen doors and ask me ''are you have company for dinner tonight?" I was just like that drug addict that went to the dark alley to buy their drugs. I felt ashamed, but could not walk away. BTW, all those slices of pie were quite expensive. Reality still did not set in even when the young man that was packing up my little container of pie asked me, ''do you need forks?" Oh I see, you, young man have no clue how a sugar addict works. I declined the forks. I went ahead ordered the pie for turkey day, took my two white bags, and headed for the car. As if I was having an out of body experience, before I could even get the key in , I had one bag open, and going for the lemon chess pie. I have never, ever tasted anything as sweet as that pie was, and to be quite honest it was not even that good. But did it stop me?? Afraid not, I finished off that one piece and headed for the chocolate chess pie. I was a woman on the streets driving under the influence of a lot of sugar. My heart felt as if it would beat right out of my chest. My heart was beating so hard, that I could actually hear it in my ears. I was so wired. I did bring the other two pieces of pie, chocolate cream and coconut cream home, and told Bob, ''honey, I got two pieces of pie, and I thought we could sample them tonight." Yes, I lied to this sweet man, even though I've always told him, ''if I ever have the desire to cheat on you, I will be woman enough to tell you up front." However, I meant by having an extra-marital affair, not the affair with the sugar. I stood right there acting all holier than thou, batting my eyes as if I were a frog in a hail storm, lying to not only Bob, but to myself. I actually felt dirty. I felt the lowest of low. Wish I could tell you that I just threw out the rest of the pie, but no at dinner last night, I did spit the two remaining pieces, between Bob and I. Bob, took maybe two bites, then said, ''honey this is good, but I've had all I want." Only good thing I can say was I ran his down the garbage disposal. You all know I ate mine.

I did not sleep well last night, I am ashamed of what I have done, but I felt the need to tell you all about my falling off the bus, and being dragged through St. Matthews yesterday. Wish I could say, ''I will never do that again." But truth is, ''I'm an addict when it comes to food, sweets especially, and just like the drug addict, or alcoholic, I am just a breath away from letting this happen again."

You maybe sitting there wondering, ''why didn't she call someone?" The answer........''I wanted the fix, more than I wanted to be talked out of it." I am not proud of what I did yesterday, as a matter of fact quite disgusted with myself. However, it is done, that was yesterday, nothing I can do about it now, the damage has been done, and now I have to start all over again, getting off the sugar. No smiling faces for me that is for sure.

I will move on, and I begin today, by going to the gym. Even though I feel like crap, I am hitting the gym, and trust me it will hurt like the dickens, but I knew what I was doing. I maybe at goal, actually was below my goal, but I allowed myself to tell me, ''you can walk in there order that pie, and walk out." It was a good thought, I could have even called the order in, but no, I knew what I was going to do when I set out yesterday. I have fallen, but I will get back up, and I WILL MOVE ON FROM HERE. I'm not even going to feel sorry for myself, I am going to move on. I have a disease, there is no cure for it, no one but myself can control it. I drove into the Bermuda Triangle and got sucked in.

So today ladies, that is my story. I am not proud of the story or myself, but I am human, I failed yesterday, but today I get the clean slate, I will get on the scale come Saturday, and I will face the music, and "Toni's Look."