12-09-09.........Wednesday

I think, no, I know I am searching for something. I am hanging on by the tips of my finger's, trying to stay on track, I am tracking, but I am falling back into those old habit's of mine. You remember the ones, where Bob leaves the room and I'm in his candy, Bob goes to bed, and I have an orgy with food. I keep trying to think what sparked me in January when I go on fire with this? All I can remember, was, thinking about the people that are slim and control their weight, they never stop, they never sit down. Now I no long watch TV, I read, but you know what? I can read and eat, that is no problem there at all. I feel like such a fraud sending out the w.w. morning e-mail and knowing myself that I am not following the guidelines that I should be. I wonder will this end when the holiday's are over. Cause me and my inner child's thinking is, ''it is the holiday's, so therefore we are suppose to have every treat there is out there." I have tried my best to bitch slap the inner child, but you know me, just not into being abusive to her, and not only that I keep asking myself, do I really want her to stop rearing her head?" Now we have just opened an entirely new box here.

I don't need to make anymore excuses for myself, but I do think one thing that is wrong is I have reached my goal weight, and as Bob has mentioned, well, now your goal should be keeping the weight off. Well duhhh, ya think?? I know he's trying to be helpful, BUT, I feel as if, ''what am I suppose to do now?" I so can understand why people after getting to goal put the weight back on W.W.'s or no other plan for that matter tells us what we need to do. This is so very frustrating. So here I am, I have been to the gym, I did weight's and 30 minutes on the treadmill, I've come home gotten a shower, and having a pear and some black coffee and wondering what is today going to be like?