01-31-2010.....Sunday

Hard to believe, but we are on the very last day of January. I have been surprised at just how quickly this month has moved alone. In less than two weeks I will be getting my hip replaced, and I too can begin to move on again.

We had snow here in Kentucky yesterday. The roads were bad, but since I knew I had not had a good week, and I also knew I was going to be showing a gain on the scale, I was not going to be taking yesterday as an excuse not to go weigh in. You know I was heading to face my fears. Problem with all of that was, we had no meeting, and calling the Weight Watchers 800# did no one any good, due to they did not even open until 8 a.m., and we begin weighing in at 7:30. However, I did go, there was another member there sitting in her car as well, it was going on 8 a.m., but our meeting place was dark and we were the only cars there, so we both left. Meeting called due to snow.

I am ...as of yesterday back on track, and I am feeling really good about that. Onto another day and preparing for my upcoming surgery.

01-29-2010....Friday

These last two weeks have been horrid when it comes to just about everything in my life. My eating has been way off, so I know if I get on the scale tomorrow I am going to show a gain. No, it won't be over my goal, but it will be more than I want it to be. I'm in a lot of pain from this hip thing, bone on bone is not a good combination so that limits my gym time. Yeah, I know I could do chair exercises, but I'm like a little ''whiney'' child, ''I don't wanna do that." Had to go in for my pre opt labs, x-rays, Ekg, blood work, if you've ever had surgery you know the drill. From two years ago when I had my other surgery, my weight was 5o pounds more, well of course I get all the questions, ''how did you do get the weight off, how do you keep it off, how do you stay motivated." All those questions that due to my having such a crappy couple of weeks, I felt like the biggest damn fraud telling them how I go to my weekly Weight Watchers meeting, how each and every morning I send out an email to 50 other Weight Watchers members, trying to keep them motivated as well. The whole time I talked the more my brain was telling me ''shut the hell up, you know right now you don't ever believe what your spouting."

So today, I have made a commitment to myself and that is to do better. I have not been tracking, I have weight in tomorrow, but have not decided if I will get on the scale or not, but I know I have two weeks from yesterday before my hip replacement surgery, and I know I want to be back to my weight of two weeks ago.

There its in writing, so now I have to to it.

01-26-2010....Tuesday

I finally have come to realize that I am exactly where I am suppose to be on my weight loss journey. I am, as of this past Saturday's weigh in, 8.4 pounds below my goal weight. I know there are some people who would kill to be just a pound below their goal. So right now with the hip problem I cannot exercise like I normally do, or even want to, but I can do what I can do. For now that will have to be enough.

01-24-2010....Sunday

"It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not. James Gordon, M.D.

Yesterday after I got home from our meeting, I knew I had to go to the grocery. Trust me never the place I want to go, but have to do the dirty deed ever so often. Not feeling good, my first thoughts were, ''I need a treat to make me feel better." My second thought and I'm not real sure, but it was either Dana's or Cara's voice in my head saying, ''do that and I'll slap you." ha ha. So I got what was on my list....nothing else and walked away feeling good about myself, and then after I found the above quote, I did realize it is not as much about ''willpower" as it is ''want-power". There is a big difference.

All of us have gone on and off diets. If we had not tried and failed so many times most of us would have never met one another. ha. But anyone one of us that has been on a ''diet'' for even 30 minutes, then we had ''willpower'', but we never changed anything, we fell back into our old habits and traps so we didn't have what we needed the most and that was ''the want power."

I have seen the change in the thinking in our group, they have gone from ''wishing" to ''wanting." Getting thin in 2010, is not just a catchy slogan, but it is the sign of wanting. Wanting to see the goal, wanting to do whatever it is that needs to be done to get you there.

So if you have been struggling, for some time, if it seems that darn scale is just not doing what you want it to do, then stop, and ask yourself, ''how badly do I want this?" Then ask yourself the more critical question, ''am I willing to do what I need to do to make this happen."

As we all know each and everyone of us have things in our lives that we rather not have to deal with. Some of the things we may have control over, other things we just do not have any control, BUT what we chose to put in our bodies and how much we put in our bodies, then yes, we do have control over that.

01-23-2010.....Saturday Morning

Oh my poor blog has all but been forgotten. I have not felt like posting, so I have only been doing things on the computer that I have to do.
My hip replacement surgery is scheduled for Feb. 11 and I am to be at the hospital at 7 a.m. surgery around 9. If its like it was the other times, I will be in the hospital about 3 days, then will be transferred to the Nazareth Home for rehab, that normally is may a week, week and a half at the most.

My eating and emotions have been all over the board. My eating cause that is what I do when I get emotional, but this time I've had something else throw at me and that is no one around to care for Bob. Normally two of Bob's three sons are in town. This go around there will only be one, and he is not the one I am comfortable with. The younger one is not as detailed at the older son. So I have also hired a male nurse to come in during the day to make Bob his lunch, and get him up for a bathroom run if he needs that. This is going to be expensive, but I really have no other choice, other than cancel the surgery, and with as much pain as I'm in that is not on the table for discussion.

So for today that is my story. Today I will face that scale and take my lumps and bumps as they come.

01-19-2010....Tuesday

I ran across this not long ago, and I thought it was worth sharing. Hope all that drop by enjoy the message.

Recipe for the Winning Difference.

1 cup of enriched CARING

1 cup of fortified MOTIVATION

3 cups of undiluted SUPPORT

1 heaping cup of PROGRAM KNOWLEDGE at room temperature

A generous sprinkling of HUGS

Cream together CARING & MOTIVATION. Add in the SUPPORT & PROGRAM KNOWLEDGE.

Knead gently and roll into desired shapes. Sprinkle with HUGS.

Serves Millions and zero points.

01-17-2010,,,Sunday

Have you ever thought, "I'll begin a more healthy lifestyle when I get this or that out of the way?" I think we have all had that thought at one time or other. Problem with that is ''there is never going to be a time that everything is just right."

If I had waited nearly 12 years ago for everything to be just right before embarking upon a weigh loss journey, which by the way began with Jenny Craig, (twice) Adkins, and then finally Weight Watchers. All with weight loss results I should add, but Jenny Craig was the one that I just could not keep the weigh off. Anyway, if I had waited for everything to become just right before I began, then I would be sitting here weighting probably 500 pounds.

The perfect time is........NOW.

01-15-2010.....Friday

When I was in my ''Sugar bowl" frenzy, and no I am not talking football here. But I had no positive outlook on anything at all. I did not realize that until I given the above quote. All I could do was look at the negative that was all around me. So I began to think, ''okay, I know the negative, but what was the positives during those days of the sugar bowl."

1. I continued to get up and go to the gym.

2. I continued the daily emails, being as honest with everyone as I knew how to be.

3. A Dear Sweet Weight Watcher Sister, smacked me around a little bit. She made me pull my head out of my rear end.

4. I talked about my binging. I did not crawl into a hole and was never heard from again.

5. I actually found a meeting to go to on Tuesday. At the time I didn't think it helped, but on Wednesday I was able to put my first Smiling face back on my calendar.

When things seem the darkest for us, is when we need to search for the light. Oh its very easy to moan and groan about what is going on in our lives, especially the not so great things, and we all have those from time to time. It is okay to visit that area, BUT it is very important that we do sign a long term lease.

Things are going to happen. Our day may begin just fine, but we all know how soon it can go in the opposite direction. The important thing is to be prepared. Look for the positive. Trust me the negative will always be easy to find.

Two things I accomplished yesterday that I am very happy about. I got all my outside Christmas decorations down, packed and stored away again, and this morning I added my second star to my calendar......TWO DAYS OF SUGAR FFFRRRREEEEEEDDDDDDOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!

From Saturday afternoon until Tuesday night, was bad for me, but I will get on the scale tomorrow, not that I have to, but because I NEED too.

01-14-2010......Thursday

I have been having a lot of pain in what I thought was my knee that I had replaced in 2008. Yesterday when I was doing my pool exercises, I knew I had to get in touch with my Orthopaedic Doctor due to I was really worried that I might not even be able to climb the few steps to get out of the pool. So called, was surprised that I was able to get in and see his associate, who I really trust and like just as much as I do the Orthopaedic doctor/surgeon. So had an x-ray done, as many times that I have seen my new knee, I am always amazed at the technology. Long story short, its not the knee, but it is my hip. I have bone rubbing bone right now. Had the same problem on the left hip back in 2008, and had a total hip replacement in 2008. So I will be seeing the surgeon next Tuesday and we will then make out plan.
Really good news here is I am almost 45 pounds lighter than I was when I had my surgery back in 2008, and even over 200 pounds I had no trouble at all, so I am looking for this surgery to be even easier.

Now on the ''sugar'' front. I finally had one full day, and that was yesterday that was sugar free, so I feel as if I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to actually add a smiling face to my calender this morning for yesterday.

Wishing Everyone a Wonderful DAY!!!!

01-13-2010.....Wednesday

Here we are the middle of the week, and almost the middle of the month. I have had a crappy week so far. Last week marked two weeks of my being off the sugar stuff, but then on Saturday afternoon for whatever reason I decided I deserved a treat. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!! I have been fighting that sugar crap all week, and that is exactly how I feel, ''LIKE CRAP.'' Cannot blame anyone but myself, and the scale is showing how stupid I've been as well. So all that hard work I have been putting in before has been taken away from me due to I let myself stray back to my drug of choice...sugar.

So each day I have told myself, ''today is the day I will do better." Well, it has to be today, I cannot afford to screw around anymore. I set myself a new goal at the first of the year, and low and behold I seem to be getting further and further away from that goal.

I am still tracking, I am still going to the gym each morning, it is the eating that is out of control.

01-11-2010....Monday

Running late today, but I am here now. I did the pool this morning at the gym, the pool was warm, but the locker room was ice cold. I really think they had the AC on in there, and trust me we did not need that since it was only 18 degrees outside this morning.

Have been thinking about doing something. I get really bored here at home in the afternoons and since I can't really leave Bob by himself, it is not easy for me to run back over to the gym or the mall to walk. So I am looking into getting a Gazelle exercise thing for here at home. I cannot have anything too big, I need something I can move from room to room, and I do not want to pay a big price. I just need something to fill in those times that I want to eat and that wanting to eat continually normally ends up being from afternoon until bedtime.

So if anyone comes by that has used the Gazelle or knows of someone that has, I'd love to know how you felt about it.

Now is the confession time: I had gone two full weeks without any damn sugar in my system, but for whatever reason Saturday afternoon, I got into the white stuff, and thought I'd be ok on Sunday, but it happened again, thought I'd be ok today and again only made it until 4 p.m. This is driving me nuts.

So that is my confession for today. Who know what it will be tomorrow.

01-10-2010....Sunday

I had every intention of getting on here yesterday, but that was not to happen. I did go to my Weight Watcher meeting yesterday morning. We had a pretty good crowd considering the weather. I was down .2 pounds and I was happy about that, since last week I was down 4 pounds, that was my holiday weight gain, so I was well pleased with being down 2/10th.

This week I want to focus on more activity. I also need to get in to see my Internist since two of my goals for this year was to have a couple of health issues checked out. One thing is my knee that I had replaced in 2008. The movement in that knee is not as good as I think it should be, and I have been having a lot of pain not really in the knee, but more on the side of the knee cap. It's much worse through the week when I am exercising each day, even doing the pool it is very painful. So I need to have that checked out. Always something.

01-08-2010.....Friday

I am feeling pretty darn good about my week so far. Tomorrow I weigh in for the week. Not that I have to, due to I weighed in last week for the month, and being a Lifetime/non-paying member of Weight Watchers, I am only required to weight in once per month. However, I have done W.W.'s long enough and see enough lifetime members come and go, that I know for me, I have to weigh in each and every week. I have to keep myself accountable. Also that hour on Saturday morning is my hour, and Bob knows he better not try to mess with my time with my W.W.'s sister's. lol lol.

I did not go to the gym today, so that means I have to work out here at home, which I don't do well with. I can always find other things to do besides working out. Our parking lot has been plowed but since I don't know how the gym parking lot maybe, thought it best I not go out and risk breaking a hip. Using some common sense here for a change.

I am working on my new goal and it feels good to have something to work toward. We all need things too look forward to each day.

If you stop by, ''hello'', and have a wonderful day.

01-07-2010....Thursday

I finally have my snow. It is still snowing and living here in Kentucky the place pretty much stands still when we get a little snow. People cannot get the concept of ''slowing down" when driving. The county is getting a lot of grief this morning for not canceling school here, and there has been one bus accident, but no report if anyone was injured. All the schools in surrounding counties went ahead and shut down for the day.

Jefferson County made the decision at 4:30 a.m. to remain open with the option of sending the kids home early. Now grant you there was no snow, nor was it snowing at 4:30, 5:30, even 6 a.m. Just hope if they do send the kids home, they do it before it get any worse out there.

Make it a great day.

01-06-2010...Wednesday

Caught just the beginning of the Biggest Loser last night, maybe first 30 minutes of it, but did see the new victims. Biggest group they have ever had on the show. Also saw something interesting on Entertainment Tonight last night, and that was the guy who won the big money in 2006 (I think) has gained nearly all his four hundred plus pounds back, and his wife was on there saying she felt the reason was due to after Eric (her husband) was off the show the Biggest Loser people just forgot about him. My question here then is......Did they tie him up and force feed him chocolate donuts? Did they lock the gym and not let him in??... It truly amazes me when people/we want to blame others due to we don't have the ''want power'' to work to keep our goals. No matter what that goal maybe.

01-05-2010

This was sent to me and I just thought it was perfect.

Don’t Quit
When you’ve eaten too much and you can’t write it down, and you feel like the biggest failure in town. When you want to give up just because you gave in, and forget all about being healthy and thin. So What! You went over your points a bit, It’s your next move that counts… So don’t you quit! It’s a moment of truth, it’s an attitude change. It’s learning the skills to get back in your range. It’s telling yourself “you’ve done great up until now. You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow.” It’s part of your journey toward reaching your goal. You’re still going to make it, just stay in control. To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, If you summon the will to get back in the race. But, often the struggler’s, when losing their grip, just throw in the towel and continue to slip. And learn too late when the damage is done, that the race wasn’t over… they still could have won. Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow, but facing each challenge will help you grow. Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint in a cloud of doubt. When you’re pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit, if you bite it you write it…. But don’t you quit!
Author unknown

01-05-2010...Tuesday

Someone asked me the other day, ''did you wear a coat when you weighed over 300 pounds?" My answer....''didn't have to, I had enough fat for insulation." Trust me I own a coat now, even a hat and I wear them every single day. lol lol.

Our gym yesterday was filled to the rim. Even the trainers there seem to be having a hay day with new clients. I did the pool yesterday so I did not have to deal with anyone, but myself, no one else was silly enough to get in the pool even if it is a heated pool, that 80 degree water did not feel like 80 degrees.

On my way out I did look around and wonder, ''how many will still be here even next week?" Good health is not easy especially if our previous lifestyle was one of not caring about ourselves. I hope I am wrong, and I hope these new people with stand the long haul.

01-04-10....First Monday of the New Year.

I often wonder when people that know me, I mean really know me, ask me to give them a kick in the pants that they need that to get themselves back on track. Do they really want the kick in the pants that I can give them or do they want me to be nice? I don't do nice and kick in the pants, at the same time.

One of the things that nearly everyone I meet tells me, ''the first thing that attracted me to you was your honesty." Now I have to say my honesty has gotten me in trouble more times than I care to be reminded of, but if you don't want the truth do not ask me to ''be honest". A few months back I got caught in that trap by someone saying to me, ''I want you to be honest with me." When I was, not only did their feelings get hurt, but they got mad at me. However, they asked for the truth.

So people really need to be clear, there is either honesty or you want me to sugar coat it, and I can't do both.

01-03-2010...Sunday

Okay, call me a whimp, I don't care, but 9 degrees in Kentucky is just way too cold. Where is that Global warming I've been hearing about???? I could use some today.

One of my gal pals at Weight Watchers, informed us her little girl would be selling Girl Scout cookies, and she would really appreciate out buying some. So I emailed this friend, actually I hit the ''reply all'' button, and told everyone, ''Bob and I will be more than happy to buy cookies, but no way, no how will those things come into my house, I do even want to see them." Just take my check and do whatever you want to do with them. So, and I think this is just so great. One of my other gal pals suggested that all of us that do not want to have the cookies, we are sending the to the troops overseas. I love that idea. I don't have to deal with the cookies, and the troops get a taste of home.

01-02-2010....Saturday

All those smiling faces have paid off this week. Not only did I accumliate 7 faces, but I was down 4.2 pounds for the week.

Color me happy. Now onto this next week.

Happy New Year To all.

Happy New Year to all that drop by today.

I have my new pristine clean calendar ready to hang up, ready to add my ''I have not eaten sugar" smiling faces to each day I go without that drug. It is a new beginning, and I alway get excited about a New Year. I always wonder, ''what things will happen?" I know there will be some good things, that is my positive thinking, and there are sure to be some bad things, that is my ''reality'' thinking. The key for me is to just take it all in stride.

I have set myself a new goal for 2010 and that is to lose a bit more weight, I"d like to drop 10 more pounds this year. That is doable for me, and I would still be over the Weight Watchers weight chart. This woman will never weigh 140 pounds, just not going to be me, but I would like to be at 160. So that is one of my goals for 2010.

I have two medical goals, one of those is to be checked for P.A.D. I have always had very poor circulations in my legs, have even had surgery on some of the veins, but this past year it has seemed to have gotten a bit worse, so time to go visit the Vascular doctor. The other thing is to find a good ''foot doctor". My feet have no corns, now I do have a couple of bunions, but I buy really good shoes, and when I exercise I get such pains in my feet. My sister told me I might need to have insoles professionally made for my shoes. So those are the two health things I plan on having checked this year.

Stay Strong, and Stay Focused.